


pedal's down, eyes are closed

by seventytimes7 (orphan_account)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, for plot reasons please accept me, mostly liam pov, multiple pov ocasionally, slighty internalized homophobia, switches to louis a few times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-01-29
Packaged: 2018-03-04 19:26:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 25,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3085424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/seventytimes7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis is 100% straight. Liam's not. Things happen, then also stuff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 01

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really bad at proof reading and editing so if there's mistakes please just let me live.
> 
> //
> 
> I'm orphaning this fic bc it just isn't a ship I usually write. Also this was the very first fic I ever wrote. Wow. I've grown so far. If you're reading this post-orphaning, I hope you like it!!

With a groan stifled into his pillows, the boy tried his best to keep his eyes shut, "Sleep, Liam." he mumbled to himself. Five minutes barely passed before he was rolling onto his back, his eyes wide as they tried adjusting to the dark room surrounding him. He couldn't sleep. Of course he couldn't sleep. Liam Payne could never sleep. His fingers fumbled against his sheets, searching blindly for the cool metal exterior of his phone. He read the clock once he found it, doing the simple math that it takes to figure out that it was 10 a.m. in England. 10 a.m. at home. But Liam wasn't at home, was he? He hardly ever was at this point. He'd get a break here and there, get to pop in and see his mum but it was never enough for the boy. He loved his job, loved his band, and loved touring. But sometimes, late at night when he couldn't sleep, all he could think about was going home.

His twitter feed did little to entertain him; honestly it was always such a loud mess that he hardly ever knew what to focus on, or what to actually read. That's what he got for following seventeen thousand people. How he managed to get himself into that over the last four years, he'd never understand. But he couldn't unfollow anyone, not any of his fans that worked so hard to grab his attention and ask him for a follow. Not any of his fans that still popped into his DMs to send him loving messages or sometimes pictures of the boys on stage. Sure seventeen thousand people was quite a lot to follow, but it was only a fraction of his fan base and honestly, he wanted to make sure they all knew how much he cared about them. Liam was nothing but thankful for the adoring fans he and the boys had. They were the only reason that One Direction was One Direction. He'd have nothing without his fans; he wouldn't even have his best mates. The only thing he'd have without his fans was being able to sit at home. His brows furrowed, suddenly feeling silly and a little frustrated at himself for feeling anything but grateful at all times. He thumbed over his keypad, typing out a quick tweet. _How am I still up._ Followed by another that consisted of nothing but the sleeping face emoji before locking his phone and rolling over again. 

He was still awake thirty minutes later. He couldn't help it. It was nearly half way into the tour, but he had just gotten used to being in his own flat before he had to leave again. He had just gotten used to the way his body sunk comfortably into his bed back in London and the hotel mattress didn't quite live up to the memory of the way his bed back home formed around his every curve, adjusting perfectly to fit his body. They had just landed in America, trying to take in the few days they had before this leg of the tour started and Liam just couldn't stop buzzing. Twenty more minutes passed without sleep taking him and now he was pushing himself up from the bed, pacing at the foot of it and trying to figure out how he was going to get eight hours of sleep in the six hours he had left before the boys had to get up to prepare for their schedule the next day.

His body crossed the room, peering down at the dresser the room had come with where he had tossed the other room keys. It wasn’t strange for the boys to each have a copy of the others room keys. It made it easier on them honestly. If Louis had left his room key in his room while trying to find a vending machine with Hot Cheetos (his favorite American delicacy), or if Harry popped down to the hotel’s gym, they could just pop in on one of the other boys and grab the spare. It made it simple for them, easier. Besides, hotel rooms got lonely and felt too empty and impersonal, so it wasn’t uncommon for the boys to show up at each other's doors and just double up on rooms once in awhile. Now all he had to do was just pick which room he could intrude on with the least amount of backlash. It was instinct to reach for Zayn’s key first. Zayn was always whose key he reached for first; Zayn was whom Liam’s puppy dog eyes could work on easiest, followed by Harry. But it was late, and he had already woken Zayn up from a much-needed nap earlier that day so he tossed the key back down, starring over them. He knew that Harry would be sleeping too, much too heavily and if Niall were awake he’d try and pull the boy into watching reruns of Two and a Half Men or something of the likes that Liam’s already suffered through enough times. Louis wasn’t Liam’s last choice at all. It’s not that Liam didn’t want to go barge in on Louis at 3 a.m., he just didn’t particularly desire having his head chopped off if he woke the boy up. With his and Louis’ key card in hand, Liam made his way down the hall. The most inconvenient thing about hotels is that they rarely got the boys rooms right next to each other. How stupid was it that he needed to jog half way down the hall if he needed to pop in on his mate and borrow a shirt. His fist rose to knock against the door before deciding to just use the key card and invite himself in, just incase he needed to make a quiet get away if Louis was in fact asleep.

“That you, Payno?” The voice nearly made Liam fall as he was quietly trying to shut the heavy hotel door behind him.

“Christ, Lou. I thought you’d be asleep.” He replied, making his way into the room towards the familiar voice. “How d’you know it was me?”

“Saw your tweet, didn’t I?” Liam was hovering near the foot of Louis’ bed where he was strewn across, eyebrows furrowed together as he focused on the tv where a game of FIFA was being played. “Poor little Payno can never sleep, can he?”

“You’re up too, mate.” Liam mumbled, slapping the back of his hand against Louis’ hip until the other boy moved to made enough room that Liam could plop down beside him. “Why are you still awake?” His eyes focused intently on Louis’ face, the sides of her bodies meshing together in the middle of the bed. “Can’t tell me that this rousing game of FIFA has kept you up until all hours of the night.” Louis huffed a sigh and shrugged, eyes staying glued to the television screen. His thumbs danced over the controller with ease. He was always better than Liam at this game, and better than Harry though Harry would never admit it. Niall was probably the only one that could take any of them on and win without having to try very hard. That’s why Louis hardly ever played with Niall. He just hates losing.

“Just a bit weird, innit? First time to America as a single man and I’m locked up in a hotel room.” The boy confessed, eyes glancing over to Liam briefly before returning to the screen. It was weird, for all of them, that Louis and Eleanor had broken up. The couple had been together for over three years, and it wasn’t uncommon for Eleanor to venture out with them when they went on tour. She’d never missed the first shows of the American tour. It’d been weird not having her around, strange, and Louis just hadn’t really been himself this go around. “I just wasn’t expecting it to still feel like this once we started tour. I broke up with her. I’m not supposed to feel like this.” His hands dropped the controlled and came up to run down his face in frustration. Liam’s arm moved around to hook under his friend’s neck and pull him closer.

“You’ve still got us though, bro. Don’t forget.” A wide smile spread across his lips and he looked down at Louis, kissing the top of his head in a chaste manner. “Five of us forever, yeah? Even at 3 a.m. when one of us can’t sleep and the other is drowning his sorrows with FIFA.”

Louis let out a soft laugh, shaking his head but leaning into Liam’s hug. It was the best thing about the band, if you asked Liam. How close they all had gotten the last four years. How easy it was to comfort each other and just sit in each other’s presence. They were his best friends, the best friends he ever had and his heart could burst at the seams with how much he cared for them. They all meant something different to him, too. There wasn’t anyone he favored over the others but they were just all a different part of Liam. He looked after them all in the same ways that they looked after him. He cared about them, cared for them. Hell, he had a tattoo for each of them. They were his boys, and though the days of “Daddy Direction” had come to an end, that was still him. That was still his role. And they all had their own role in his life as well. Zayn was his support, his rock and his savior from day one. It was always Liam and Zayn that got off right away, it was easy with them. They just meshed together perfectly. Niall was like the brother he always wanted but almost mixed with him being Liam’s “girlfriend” as well since he’d buy him treats and take him out proper sometimes like they were dating. Harry and Liam always teased each other. It was harmless fun, but getting a rise out of Harry became one of Liam’s favorite things to do. It seemed he always knew just what to say to earn an ‘excuse me, liam!’ or a stern look with furrowed brows and narrowed eyes. But Harry was also the one to always make sure that he wasn’t getting himself into too much trouble, made sure that Liam was taking care of himself like he should be. Then there was Louis. Louis was the fire in his life. He’d gotten burnt a few times in the beginning, but Louis helped pull him from his shell and loosened him up. He’d be half the man he was today if it weren’t for Louis Tomlinson.

“Yeah, it’s always us.” Louis smiled fondly as he leaned into Liam. “We’ll make a proper lads holiday out of this tour, won’t we? Just us, taking on America.” Liam nodded, patting Louis’ back gently. It was the first time this many of them were single. All of them except Zayn, who had the ever-lovely Perrie to curl into back home, were incredibly single and not really doing much about it. It was weird, or it should be weird, Liam thought. But there was something that felt comforting about it, knowing that there wasn’t anyone but them involved in their lives right now. It felt freeing, almost. Louis moved away from Liam slightly, grabbing the game controller again and resuming his game. “Are you staying in here tonight?” He asked, a player on his team kicking the ball down the field.

“Might as well, I guess. Can’t sleep in my own room.” Louis stretched to reach the remote so he could turn the volume down on the television before focusing on his game again, not paying much attention to Liam after that point. He shrugged his arm away from Louis, rolling over onto his side and sinking down into the pillows. It took fifteen minutes for him to fall asleep. It’d have happened sooner if Louis could stop cursing under his breath each time he messed up on FIFA.

~

Louis’ bed was empty when he woke up and he didn’t know why it bothered him as much as it did. He rolled out of the bed and dug in the pockets of his sweats until he could feel the room keys. It wasn’t until he was almost out of the room that he could hear the sound of water hitting the floor of a shower. His eyebrows quirked, head tilting as he stepped towards the door, leaning in slightly so his ear was close enough to pick up the hum of Louis’ voice as he showered. Liam smiled to himself, recognizing the song as one of the new ones they had written together. His hand clasped over his mouth, stifling a laugh. It was the same song Liam found himself singing in the shower. It was his favorite song that they had written together so far. But the water shut off and he could hear the shower curtain being pulled to the side, causing the eavesdropping boy to stumble backwards in an attempt to get away from the door in case it swung open.

The motion caused him to stumble into the trashcan and it wasn’t long after that Liam could hear the familiar voice of his friend from the other side of the bathroom door. “Alright, Leemo?”

He cleared his throat, making his way towards the door. “Yeah, dropped my phone and fell into the damn bin” He lied, coming up with the first excuse he could think of.

“Seen the fuss on twitter, then? I’ve caused quite the controversy.” Louis’ voice held hints of laughter as he spoke.

“As per usual, Tommo.” He joked back, but Liam didn’t know what he was talking about at all. He had left his phone in his room the night prior before. “I’ll catch you later.” He mumbled, pulling open the room’s door to half-jog back to his.

He thumbed his phone unlocked the moment he got in his room, pulling twitter up and searching for the fuss that Louis had claimed he made. It didn’t take a very long for him to figure it out; the picture was littered all through his mentions. A lovely low quality picture of Liam’s face pressed against Louis’ chest as he slept last night, captioned “Here I am playing FIFA when this lad comes in and curls up to me.”  
He couldn’t help the smirk that danced across his lips as he looked at the picture. Some time in his sleep, Liam Payne had rolled over and rested his head on Louis’ chest. Louis Tomlinson, being the endearing person he is, took a picture of it to post onto twitter in mockery of the boy. Still, he looked peaceful, and Liam would admit that last night was the first time he had actually slept all the way though.

‘ **Louis breaks up with long-time girlfriend for band-mate?** ’ Read a tweet in Liam’s mentions but before he could click the article it lead to, someone was knocking on his door and he pushed the thought from his mind since it was, well, a bit ridiculous.


	2. 02

“I’ve got loads of them Larry Stylinson shippers in my notifications. Why didn’t you blokes tell me I was crashing in on the relationship? I wouldn’t have done so.” There was laughter in his voice as he wrapped his arm around Harry’s chest, pulling him closer so he could get a better look at his phone without having to remove his arm from his mate. Harry laughed back, shaking his head.

“I’m still pretty torn up about it, mate.” He said, shaking his head and leaning into Liam. It was just another one of those comfort things. One of the things that was maybe only normal for him and his boys. For them, it wasn’t abnormal to share beds; it wasn’t abnormal to spend down time curled up together. It was the most normal thing they had on the road. Liam didn’t think the fans would ever get that, though. It’d been a week and a half since Louis had tweeted the picture of them sleeping together and he had yet to hear the end of it from the adoring fans (some of them a bit less adoring towards Liam, these days. What with him being a home-wrecker now). See, Liam had spent the first few days convincing himself that it wasn’t a big deal, trying to get the thoughts that the media had formatted for him out of his mind. Of course Louis didn’t end his relationship with Eleanor because of Liam, but the fact that someone, somewhere put that together had the boy filling up with guilt.

It wasn’t a secret among the band that Liam had explored his sexuality a bit, especially in the days of X Factor when beanie-clad Harry would wrap his long fingers around Liam’s wrists and pull him off into a different room for a bit. It was just another thing that Liam felt was normal. It never complicated things, it never made him feel awkward with Harry and they never kept it a secret from the lads. It was just two blokes messing about with each other. Everyone knew that.

Louis and Liam had never been like Harry and Liam were. Ever. Louis had always made it clear that he was without a doubt, nine hundred and seventy-five percent straight.

“I think you guys are cute together, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me hashtag Lilo was real.” Harry teased, humming slightly as he scrolled through his own Twitter feed. Liam stole glances every once in awhile, smiling at the fun things Harry’s fans do for him to see on his timeline. Liam’s was nothing but manipulated photos of himself and Louis. He didn’t mind most of them, like the ones that just made it look like they two were hanging out. Those he sometimes had to even take a second look, nearly dismissing them as a real photograph. But occasionally he’d come across one that made it look like they were kissing, or worst. Liam didn’t even understand how they managed to do that.

“Oh, come off it!” He groaned, shouldering into Harry’s back a little. He tried to play it off, tried to make it seem like he hadn’t spent the last week reading into what all of the fans were saying. Maybe he’d always thought that Louis had ridiculously nice cheekbones, and a laugh that made Liam’s heart flutter slightly. And when he went a few days without shaving Liam couldn’t help but think about how it’d feel—NO. No, Liam and Louis were mates and that’s all they’d ever be. “Lou thinks it’s right funny, doesn’t he? Liam the Home wrecker. Shall I answer with that next time we’re asked what our hidden talent is? Home-wrecking without knowing it, that’ll be mine.” When he glanced down at Harry’s face he was met with a soft, worried expression. Like Harry was concerned about how Liam was taking all of the media directed towards him. Of course Harry would worry about that though, because that’s what Harold Styles did for Liam—he worried.

“You know it’ll blow over, Li.” Harry’s wide smile spread across his lips. “Even if I have to tell the whole world that you’re my boyfriend.” His fingers were gripping Liam’s sides before he could make sense of what was happening. Liam hated being tickled, and Harry knew that but never failed to use it against the boy. He tried to break free, but Harry’s long, noodle-limbs wrapped around him before he could do anything but scream.

God bless, Harry Styles and his ability to see completely through Liam Payne.

~

Their show that night was easily the best one on tour so far. Though, they usually felt that way about every new show. The crowd was just alive, and you could feel everyone’s energy in the room intermingling. Liam had never felt so fantastic on stage. It was fun, it was energetic. Being the over zealous person that he is, Liam fell twice trying to run down the stage to get towards the catwalk. Each time resulting in Zayn helping him up while the other boys just laughed a bit. That’s how it usually went, so it wasn’t like Liam’s feelings got hurt or anything. That’s just how his boys were. 

His favorite part of the entire was performing their new songs. He couldn’t help but feel especially enthusiastic during them, but every song made a sense of pride twist in Liam's chest. His hand stayed clasped on Louis’ shoulder through half of his solos and he couldn’t help but beam at the boy as he carried himself through each song. He was proud of him. Proud of them all for how effortlessly they seemed to perform together. But there was something about seeing how please Louis looked when he nailed his vocals that just really, really pleased Liam.

~

They’d all made it back to the hotel now, deciding to crack into the many bottles of tiny alcohol in their mini fridges. There was a significant buzz about the room, which was Harry’s this time around, and there was plenty more to come.

“Truth or dare?” shouted Niall, as he stumbled to flop onto the bed next to Zayn.

“Who’re you even asking?” questioned Harry, tilting his head at the boy from his seat next to the winder

“Uh—Louis”

“Truth,” Louis said immediately, almost as if he knew Niall was going to pick him.

“What’s the craziest sex you’ve ever had?”

There was a fake cough that Liam assumed was to muffle a laugh from Zayn, who was pulling himself up into a sitting position against the headboard. It was like he already knew the answer, which wouldn’t be surprising since Zayn was whom Louis confided in most.

With a shrug and a smirk that reeked of smugness, Louis licked his lips and dove into an incredibly detailed story of the time him and Eleanor was wearing a skirt and they had sex (mostly dressed) in Eleanor’s flat and her room mates walked in so he tried to stop but she kept going and continuing on conversations with her friends as she rode him into an orgasm.

Harry laughed, followed by Niall and Liam managed to force a smile. Being drunk wasn’t helping his conflicted feelings towards Louis at all.

“Why m’not surprised?” Niall slurred, rolling around the bed so he could reach Louis on the floor and give him a punch to the arm.

“Of course Louis is in to exhibition.” chortled Harry, shaking his head.

“Alright, lads! It was one time.” Louis retorted, furrowing his brows at his friends.

Liam stayed quiet, unsure what to do with the new knowledge. The sinking in his chest was the fourth mini bottle of vodka he’d just finished, definitely. It absolutely wasn’t jealousy at all because that would be ridiculous and that’s just-- not it. He rubbed his sweaty palms against his thighs and looked around for a new bottle, blocking out what everyone was talking about.

Louis picked Zayn, who chose dare and was told he had to kiss one of the boys. He denied, throwing Louis a fierce look as he racked up the first “chicken” mark of the game.

“Leeyum..” His voice slurred slightly, but the familiar drag of the syllables in his name was enough to pull Liam back to earth and out of his thoughts. “Leeyum, truth or dare?”

Liam’s eyes scanned the room, sighing slightly before deciding he didn’t really have much to hide from the boys and that he simultaneously didn’t feel like standing up to act out whatever dare the creative boy could come up with. “Truth.”

“Okay..” The boy paused, thinking deeply and Liam assumed that he had already chosen a dare out and now had to think harder for a truth. It made him feel better about picking truth, scared of what the dare might have been. Zayn licked his lips before they twisted into a beautiful smirk. “Have you ever had a crush on one of your best mates?” Liam opened his mouth to give a throwaway answer, but Zayn cut him off “Aside from Haz like a million years ago.”

He couldn’t fight the frown so he just turned to Harry, eyes wide. Of course he had mentioned feeling differently with Louis to Zayn but Harry was the only person he really, really talked to about it. And that wasn’t because he didn’t trust Zayn with the information, because he did. One hundred percent. He just never really felt the need to talk to Zayn about it, he never really wanted to talk to Zayn about it. Zayn was his escape from all of the thoughts in his mind. “Uh.” Liam laughed nervously, his hand rubbing against the back of his neck. “Sure, I ‘ave, bound to happen innit?” It wasn’t the answer everyone wanted, probably not the one that they expected but Zayn’s dark eyes flitted to Louis before Louis dropped his head with a smug smile stretched against his lips. It was enough to make his chest tighten, but he blamed it on the alcohol before clearing his throat and turning towards Harry, “Truth or dare?”

Harry, of course, picked dare and when Liam’s mind couldn’t come up with anything better than “Do the best strip tease you can,” Harry’s lanky body rose from his seat and slithered into the middle of the room. His eyes stayed locked with Liam, and the laughter never stopped spilling from his lips as he performed, _possibly_ the best strip that any of them had witnessed..


	3. 03

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear there's a plot you guys

Another night of celebration after a perfect show ended with the boys not even bothering to find their ways back to their proper rooms. Zayn, Harry and Niall had all collapsed in Harry’s bed and Liam tried his best to help Louis back to his room before Louis finally just sat down in the middle of the hallway, exclaiming that he didn’t want to walk anymore and that Liam would have to carry him. The only issue was that Liam, while he had tried to remain less drunk than his mates, was significantly drunk and with Louis’ small frame thrown over his shoulder he could hardly make it to his own room’s door.

“You’re crashing here, alright?” Liam mumbled, trying to dig in his pocket while balancing Louis over his shoulder. There was a drunken hiccup from his friend in reply that made him laugh as he swung the door open. He stumbled in, gripping Louis’ ass as he lost balance slightly, trying desperately not to drop and injure the man. “Can you stand, mate? I don’t think I can carry you any further.” He knelt, lowering him down from his shoulders as gently as he could as he talked. Louis slithered from his grips, curling up on the floor.

“Leave me here to die, Liam. Please, go one without me.”

“You’re so dramatic, Christ.”

“Just Louis is fine.” The boy said as he began pulling himself into a sitting position and shooting Liam a smug, pleased look. “Help me up, bro.” Liam reached for his hand immediately, pulling his friend off of the floor with ease; maybe with to much ease because the inertia forced Louis’ body to crash into Liam’s which in turn caused Liam’s arms to wrap around him, holding him clutched into his chest until their balance was restored.

Liam half dragged Louis further into the room, swinging the door shut behind them. He didn’t let go of his friend until they had reached the bed where he gave Louis a slight push to make sure he landed on it properly. Liam pulled his t-shirt off, fumbling his way to his suitcase to look for his sweats.

“Can I have a pair of pants?” Louis hiccupped, laughing shortly after.

“’Course, Lou.” Liam dug further into his bag, trying to remember if he had packed his sweats that were a little on the snug side or not. When he found two pair he zipped his bag back up and tossed a pair onto the bed. “I’m not changing you, though. You’ll have to do that on your own.” He laughed slightly as he tried to undo the button on his own jeans as Louis struggled to stand and do the same.

They had changed in front of each other a million times; there really weren’t any boundaries between the boys. He’d seen all of their dicks, hell he’d done more than see Harry’s, and it wasn’t like they haven’t seen his. There was absolutely no awkwardness among the group. None. So, why did Liam’s stomach twist into itself when he looked over his shoulder to find Louis stripped to his boxers? He cleared his throat, turning away and pulling on his sweatpants.

“Hey, Li?” Louis asked once they had managed to get all of the lights shut off and climb into the bed.

“What?” His voice was thick with sleepiness and alcohol.

“Have you ever been sucked off by a guy?” Liam let out a laugh. He wasn’t being serious was he? He rolled over to face the boy in his bed, still smiling from the laugh. “I’m serious, Liam.”

“Uh, I mean, yeah. I have why?”

“Was it Harry?”

Liam quirked his eyebrow, “He’s not the only one, but yeah.”

“Have you ever sucked off a guy?” Liam nodded, pulling his eyebrows together as he looked into Louis face. “Wanna try it with you sometime.” Louis’ voice was cool, nonchalant and Liam tried to meet the his tone.

“Uh, yeah. Yeah. Um—“ Fuck. He swallowed thickly, rolling onto his back to stare at the ceiling. His abdomen twisted into itself with desire and he couldn’t ignore the slight tent in his pants. He was drunk, definitely drunk, and Louis was more drunk than him. That’s all. That’s why he was talking like this. And Liam could have convinced himself of that and gone to sleep without another word if Louis didn’t roll onto his side and curl up closer to Liam, his fingers trailing down the skin of Liam’s stomach before he palmed at Liam’s sweatpants over his length. “Louis,” he groaned, already internally kicking himself for trying to swat away his friend’s hand. “You’re drunk, mate.”

“Do it if I was sober, Payno.” He retorted, swatting Liam’s hand away now and continuing to press down on Liam’s stiffening member. Liam’s head fell against the pillows, his eyes fluttered shut and his hips jerked just slightly to angle himself different against Louis’ hand. “This ‘lright, bro?” Louis slurred, mouthing against Liam’s skin.

“Y-yeah—s’okay.” Liam all but moaned in response. That seemed to be enough for his mate who now tugged at Liam’s sweats, pulling them and his boxers down to his knees with ease since Liam’s hips lifted off of the bed obligingly. For a moment, he doesn’t think he can breathe. There was a heaviness settling in his chest and he can’t even open his eyes to glance down as his friend’s lips smirk against his hip bone, placing bites and kisses down to his inner thigh. Okay, so Liam hadn’t actually gotten head from any other guy but Harry and it was so long ago that he’d forgotten what it felt like to have rougher lips against his skin. Forgotten how much he enjoyed it more than the gentle, soft-lipped kisses he had gotten from his ex-girlfriends.

Liam’s eyes don’t open until he feels the moist warmness of Louis’ tongue wiping over the head of his dick and they landed on the boy in time to see his lips stretching as he takes Liam into his mouth. It’s too much, it’s all too much and Liam’s head is spinning until he drops it back down against the pillows, staring up at the ceiling. “Oh my—“ He panted “Fucking Christ,”

In this moment if you were to tell Liam that Louis had never sucked cock before, he’d laugh in your face. There was no way that was true; not with the way Louis’ expertly flicked his tongue against the head of Liam’s dick while humming out gentle moans, or the way he slid his mouth farther down his member so it’s hitting at the back of his throat, or the way he brings his hands into play ever so often, fisting Liam with a spit slicked hand so he can catch his breath. There was no way that this was Louis Tomlinson’s first time. But then again, it had to be. Liam knew it had to be, because Louis was straight and this was wrong and they were just too drunk to stop it.

“Fuck,” He hissed as he hit the back of Louis’ throat again, then had to bite on his lip as hard as he could to stop from laughing as Louis tried to smirk smugly around his dick and ended up gagging himself slightly. He picked his head up again, staring down at the boy making eye contact while sucking him off. God, he was so fucking hot. Liam took in the way his cheeks sunk slightly as he pulled up on his cock, sucking roughly before lowering back down. Liam’s hand slowly found it’s way to the back of Louis’ head, unsure of whether or not he could touch him like this. When he wasn’t met with rejection his hand fisted into the boys hair, moving slightly with each bob of Louis’ head.

It wasn’t long until Liam’s hips are thrusting gently, hitting the back of Louis’ throat more often than not. And he’s moaning too, panting and cursing because God, Louis is so good at this and fuck, Liam had thought about a moment like this for a really long time. It’s not until Louis pulls his mouth off and swirls his tongue around the head of Liam’s dick before bobbing back down on him that he gets the familiar twist in his gut signifying that he’s about to finish. “Lou…” He groans, not wanting this to stop. “Lou, ‘m gonna...” He lets out a loud grunt, thrusting his hips lightly and peers down at Louis who nods and takes Liam farther down his throat. Before he can say anything else, he’s spilling into Louis’ mouth, gasping slightly as his body tenses and he watches his friend struggle to swallow him. The boy’s mouth strokes Liam’s dick a few more times before pulling off and adjusting Liam’s pants back onto his hips.

Liam’s head just falls back onto the pillow, staring up at the ceiling again. If anything was going to sober him up, it was watching his best mate swallow his load after sucking him to an orgasm.

~

“So” Liam grunted, pushing his body up from the floor again. “Louis slept over mine last night.” He lowered himself back down. Then repeated.

“I wondered where you two had ended up crashing.” Harry replied as he changed the weight on whatever machine it was that he decided to make use of. “I woke up with Niall’s feet in my face, very displeasing.” He took his place on the machine and began pushing the bar out.

“He tried to get me to carry him to his room but I was so drunk I ended up almost dropping him halfway to mine.” Harry chuckled, and Liam assumed he shook his head as well. It just sounded like the kind of laugh you shake your head along to. Liam lowered his body down again, his body being held parallel just inches from the floor. He held himself there for a minute before pushing upwards and lowering back down. After a rep of five, he spoke again. “He kind of sucked me off.” He tried sounding as nonchalant as Louis had sounded when had proposed the idea in the first place.

The clanking of the weights on Harry’s machine dropping was enough to know that his friend would be by his side in a matter of seconds, so Liam too the opportunity to drop his body to the floor from mid push-up and just lay there, sprawled out.

“What do you mean he kind of sucked you off? How do you _kind of_ suck someone off?” Harry sounded as caught off guard as Liam had felt the night before. “You’re telling me that Louis Tomlinson… Our Louis… Louis ‘I am in fact straight’ Tomlinson willingly put cock in his mouth?” Harry was sitting cross-legged next to Liam’s body, laughing with such ferocity that he rolled backwards and stretched out on his back. “But he’s so... He’s just—“ Harry chuckled, “He’s so—“

“Straight.” Liam cut him off, his voice dull and leaning towards a hint of annoyance. “I know.” Liam lifted his head off of the lightly matted floor to speak, but dropped it now, hitting his forehead a little harder than he’d had meant to.

Harry had stopped laughing now, crawling slightly over to Liam. “Sorry, mate. S’just hard to believe, yeah?” He nudged Liam slightly. “What did he say this morning?”

“Gone when I was up, wasn’t he?” Liam whined, lifting his head then dropping it again. Harry’s hand moved to cup Liam’s forehead before it hit the floor again and Liam raised his head to meet with his friend’s.

“So he left before you woke up? You sure you didn’t dream it? I wouldn’t blame you, Li. It happens to the best of us.”

“Honestly, Haz. You’re worst than Louis is.” Liam flopped onto his back. He hadn’t dreamt it, had he? For all he knew, he could have just told Harry the faint memory of a wet dream he had. But Liam had woken up and rolled over this morning and Louis’ side of the bed was still warm. It still smelled faintly like him even if it was masked in alcohol. Liam was certain it had happened, but how could he be so certain if Louis was nowhere around to confirm it. Would Louis even want to confirm it? “It’s like you said though, Louis’ straight, so—you know. S’not like there’s anything there. We were just drunk.” Liam tried not sounding as let down as he felt because, honestly, he didn’t have a bloody crush on Louis Tomlinson, okay?

"Do I get any more detail than 'he _kind of_ sucked me off'?"

"I gave him a part of my joggers to sleep in, and I swear I was ready to just zonk out right then, you know? I get sleepy when I drink, always have. But then he just turns to me asks if you ever sucked me off--"

"Wait, what? Why was I brought up?"

Liam just shrugged and continued talking, "So he asks, I answer and then he just... gave me a blowjob. I tried to stop him, you know? Told him he was drunk but he said he'd do it if he was sober and I was just not up to refusing it."

Harry's brows furrowed as he stood up, making his way back to his exercise machine. A few minutes passed before the silence was broken again. "Do me a favor and talk to Zayn about it." Harry said and Liam just nodded, rolling back onto his stomach and trying to chase away the thoughts of Louis' lips wrapped around him with push-ups.


	4. 04

Louis made his way onto the tour bus, crawling onto the bit of the sofa that he always took. A mere fifteen minutes ago he was crawling out of Liam’s bed, half dressed and slightly hung over. He hadn’t gotten so drunk that he didn’t remember what happened last night. Hadn’t gotten so drunk that he didn’t know exactly what he was doing when he climbed between his best mate’s legs and swallowed his cock. Even if he didn’t remember what he had done, the bitter taste left in the back of his throat from falling asleep after sucking his best mate off would remind him. But maybe that was the worst part—the fact that he knew exactly what he was doing. Louis also knew what he was doing when he woke up and climbed out of Liam’s bed long before the boy would wake up.

Louis was kind of personified garbage. Just a little. Because he knew all of his actions had an equal and opposite reaction. He knew that what he did wasn’t right and that it’d probably hurt Liam. He cared, sure, but that wasn’t enough to stop him from doing it. He was freaking out a little though, because they were on tour and this wasn’t something he could run from forever so he had sent a text to Zayn, not knowing what room he had fell asleep in after their celebrations and told him to meet him on the bus. But it was still early in the day, and Louis would be lucky to get a response from him for a few hours so he just pulled a blanket over his head and closed his eyes until he fell back asleep.

“Alright, babe?” Zayn’s voice pierced through Louis’ dream accompanied by the gentle tapping against his face. Louis’ head rolled towards his friend’s voice, squinting his eyes open.

“What time is it?”

“’Bout two o’clock.” Zayn shrugged, pulling the blanket covering Louis back a little. “Slept a bit later than I wanted to, woke up to your urgent message and I rush out here to find you asleep. What’s the emergency, bro?”

Louis groaned, pulling the blanket over his head again. “I slept round Li’s last night.” Zayn tugged the blanket back, plopping his body down next to Louis. When he didn’t respond, Louis took the chance to exaggerate his situation. “Okay, I slept around Li’s last night, got bored and then sucked him off.” Louis looked at Zayn now, whose eyebrows were drawn together, eyes focused and dark. “Then we slept. Now I’m here.” Louis was trying to read Zayn’s expression, trying to figure out what he was thinking. That was impossible to do. He just quieted, pulling the blanket up to his chin and waited for Zayn to respond.

“That wasn’t cool, Lou.” Zayn murmured, standing up. “You... God.” He shook his head, folding his arms over his chest. “You _know_ how sensitive Liam is! And what, you just snuck out when you were through with him? For fuck’s sake, Louis.” His voice was rough, but it’s not like Louis needed him to be gentle. He was the oldest one, the one that no one took it easy on when harsh things needed to be said.

“Why do you think I said I wanted to talk to you, Z? I’m fucking freaking out.” Louis was sat up now, resting his elbows against his thighs with his head in his hands. “I’m just... God, I’m confused.”

“You know who’s probably confused right now? Liam.” Zayn huffed. Louis nodded, rolling his eyes through closed lids. “You can’t just toy with him when you’re feeling adventurous.” Louis’ stomach churned.

“I’m not toying with him!”

“Oh yeah? You know he’s been walking on eggshells around you since you caused that tiff on twitter. You ask him to help you back to your room. You found your way to his, and sucked him off because you were bored. Then--” He emphasized, “Then you snuck out to the bus so you didn’t have to deal with it.” Zayn leaned against the wall, arms still folded. “You know he likes you, Louis. We can all tell that much. Liam’s rubbish at hiding how he feels. He doesn’t deserve someone messing with him.”

“Yeah, well. ‘s not like I told him I liked him or anything. I didn’t confess false feelings for him. For all he knows I don’t even remember what happened. All I did was suck his dick. Like you haven’t gotten noshed off on tour? Bit of fun never hurt anyone.” He felt overly defensive. "It wasn't anything, we're just bros." He wasn’t trying to toy with Liam. He wasn’t trying to hurt Liam. He was drunk, it seemed like a fun idea. Yeah, he felt adventurous so he tried something that had been on his mind. Now he just wanted the entire situation to go away. “It’ll blow over, mate. I just wanted to see if you’d smoke a spliff with me to clear my mind.”

“Nah, bro. You’re on your own today. M’gonna go find Li.”

Louis gritted his teeth, throwing the blanket off of him in frustration as Zayn exited the bus. “Fine,” he spat at nothing. “Louis’ on his own today.” It was childish the way his stormed across the bus to grab at a pack of cigarettes, and it was childish the way he stomped off the bus to lean against it and light one up. But Louis was tired of feeling like he wasn’t allowed to act childish. Why did Liam Payne get babied after he gets his dick sucked and Louis gets shunned just because he was the one to suck it?

With the cigarette pressed firmly between his lips he lit it and spent the time it took to take the first drag thinking about his lips wrapped around Liam. When he exhaled, his head shook a little. Louis was straight, you know? Like so straight. The straightest. He’d never been with anyone but a girl, and he never had any thoughts about boys. But Liam was so good and pure and innocent and for some reason, Louis couldn’t help but want to corrupt him. Liam was his first and last experience with a guy. One hundred percent, absolutely the last. And he was sure it’d all blow over. He took another drag of the cigarette, nodding inwardly. Yeah, it’d all blow over.

  
~  


It had in fact, not blown over. When Louis finally made his way back into the hotel to find the boys he was met with cold shoulders from nearly everyone. All except Niall, who some how remained neutral through any arguments his friends had no mater what. Zayn was cross with him, which wasn’t a surprise giving his protective nature with Liam. Plus there was the bit about him feeling terrible since he was the one that let on about Liam liking Louis in the first place. (In his defense, they were high. Higher than high. And Louis was a persistent piece of shit.) Louis also wasn’t surprised when Harry snubbed him as he made his way into the room. What did surprise him was the gentle smile that Liam gave him from across the room.

“Running out on me can’t get you out of that FIFA match after the show tonight, Tommo” Liam said seemingly cheerfully when Louis sat down next to him.

“Wouldn’t dream of missing it, Payno.” He replied, patting Liam’s knee gently. He ignored the way that Liam slunk away from his touch. He seemed fine enough, and Zayn himself had said that he was terrible at hiding the way he felt. So whatever. Case closed.


	5. 05

Liam had taken Harry’s advice and found Zayn sometime around two thirty that day. Zayn, who had apparently already talked to Louis, pulled Liam into his room and started apologizing profusely. It made Liam’s stomach twist into guilty knots to think about Zayn being cross with Louis for his sake. It wasn’t what he wanted; he didn’t want anyone to be cross with anyone because he hated it when he best mates fought. So he had spent the last few days with forced smile and gentle laughs to reassure everyone that he was fine. It didn’t take long for them to believe him and for things to start smoothing out. That was the best thing about Liam, everyone trusted him to be open and honest with his feelings and for the most part he was. He was easier to read than a Dr. Seuss book, but his band getting along meant more to him than his own feelings ever would. So he sucked it up, put on a happy face and pressed on like nothing happened between him and Louis Tomlinson.

It would have been easier if Louis wasn’t always finding some way to touch Liam. He’d bump up against him on stage, or tackle him down and straddle him during one of the other boys’ solos. He’d sit next to him so their thighs had to touch even though there was plenty of room for him to scoot over. Worst of all, he’d find his way into Liam’s room nearly every night and figure out a way to end up sleeping there. And of course Liam would oblige, because he didn’t have a reason not to, yeah? There wasn’t anything between him and Louis and there never would be so why should he try and change anything about their friendship. He was getting better at suppressing his feelings each day. He was getting better at biting his tongue. He was getting better at pretending he hadn’t started to fall for Louis Tomlinson.

He’d gotten better at not noticeably shying away from Louis’ touch, too. It was hard, so hard. Liam already knew he had feelings for his friend. In fact, Liam was about eighty-seven percent sure that he was half in love with his straight best friend and Liam also knew that Louis didn’t feel the same way; nothing hurt more than the fact that something that would probably go into the list of Liam’s best sexual experiences would be under the rug as a drunken mishap by Louis. But none of that mattered to Liam if he had to choose between having it or having his friendship with Louis because nothing mattered more than their friendship.

Zayn slipped into the room, finding Liam immediately and sliding onto his lap. Liam’s arms wrapped around his waist out of habit, his forehead pressed into Zayn’s back and he let out a long sigh.

“Doing okay, babe?” Zayn asked, moving sideways so he could push his fingers through Liam’s hair.

“Peachy,” His voice was bitterer than he wanted it to. He could feel himself slipping, he could feel himself breaking down and he knew it he wouldn’t be able to keep his happy façade going for long. Especially with Zayn, who knew Liam better than Liam knew himself sometimes. Liam hardly ever _had _to tell Zayn anything, the boy just knew.__

“Are you getting tired of pretending you’re okay for Tommo’s sake?” Liam’s brows furrowed and his head shot up to look into Zayn’s face. “We’re not stupid, Li.” Zayn shrugged, “Harry and I figure that you wanted us to stop the cold streak we gave him. You act like I haven’t known you for the last five years, you act like I haven’t seen you get hurt and then act like you’re fine just to benefit someone else.” Zayn’s arm wrapped around Liam, his hand rubbing comforting circles where it laid. “Louis’ one of my best mates but that doesn’t mean I don’t recognize when he’s being a selfish prick. Now is one of those times.”

Liam just shook his head, leaning into Zayn again. His eyes burned with tears that threatened to fall. “It’s just so s-shitty” He mumbled, burrowing his face in his friend’s side. “I’ve never felt so stupid.”

Zayn just coddled Liam, resting his chin on his head and wrapping his arms around him tightly. Nothing else needed to be said. It was all quiet understandings with these two and Liam had never been so thankful because he didn’t think he’d be able to express much more without sobbing into Zayn’s tshirt.

They stayed like that for a few moments, only separating when someone came in the room and cleared their throat. Liam moved to see who it was but Zayn just tugged him closer, silently confirming that it was Louis.

“Just coming to see if Payno wanted to get drunk and play FIFA,” Louis said, sounding uncaring.

“We’ve got plans.” Zayn replied before Liam could even think of a way to say no to Louis. “You’ll have to ask Niall.”

“Well, what are you guys doing? I could join—“

“No, I just want some time with my boy.”

“Zayn...” Liam whined, pulling out of his grips and hoping that his eyes weren’t as wet as they felt. He knew his intentions were good but no matter how stupid Liam felt, he’d push it away if he had to. Zayn’s eyes narrowed on Liam now.

“I just want some time with my boy,” He repeated and Liam nodded, turning to look at Louis now who looked confused and annoyed.

“Sorry, bro.” Liam mumbled, shrugging. “Like he said, s’got dibs.” Liam sighed a little as he watched Louis leave the room, the door slamming slightly behind him. He couldn’t help the feeling of relief that set over him immediately, though, just from knowing that he wouldn’t have to hold himself together through another night of Louis platonically hanging all over him.

  
~

Despite Zayn’s “alone time with my boy” front he pulled in front of Louis, Harry ended up joining them in Liam’s room for beers and wii sports. After spending several hours of getting his ass kicked at any game they played due to his lack of hand-eye coordination when drunk, Harry declared he was hungry. Then Zayn immediately dismissed Liam’s suggestion of getting milk and cookies from the hotel’s small store.

So together, at two a.m., they somehow successfully snuck out of their hotel and found a friendly cab driver patient enough to deal with their indecisiveness. They decided to just ask the cabbie to drive them to a diner that wouldn’t be busy at this time of night. The city they were in tonight had really died down a lot, even the amount of fans standing outside of the hotel was lower than Liam had ever seen it, which honestly was a good thing because none of them needed to get caught this intoxicated by a group of fans.

When they arrived at the diner, Liam half wondered if it was even open. It seemed to be dimly lit and there couldn’t have been more than two people inside but the boys climbed out of the taxi anyway, and gave their driver a generous tip for dealing with their incessant chatting. Liam pressed his hand into the small of Harry’s back and Zayn followed in suit, placing his hand on Liam’s back and they made their way into the small diner in that formation.

The diner was in fact open, and they were lead to a booth in the back where their waitress left them alone with three menus.

“I think she’s mad at me,” Harry whispered, pulling his menu up to his face.

“What are you on about, mate?” Zayn asked and Liam pulled a menu towards him, flipping it open and immediately deciding on chocolate chip pancakes.

“The waitress is mad at me,” Harry explained, lowering his menu and nodding his head in the general direction of their waitress, whose name was Maggie or Maddie or something along those lines.

“She’s not mad at you, babe” Harry nodded in response and buried his nose in the menu while mumbling something about wondering what the considered sunny-side-up.

Their waitress returned, carrying a glass of water for each of the boys. Her name was Jennifer and Liam could have sworn that wasn’t what her nametag read five minutes ago, but he shook his head and told her what he wanted. Zayn ordered a breakfast sampler with toast and Harry, who gave the girl his widest, most charismatic grin, ordered a stack of pancakes, hashbrowns and eggs “that he can bust the yolk but not with runny whites.” When the waitress gathered their menus and walked away, Harry bowed his head closer to his mates and whispered. “Why is she mad at me?”

“You’re delusional.” Zayn said, shaking his head and taking a sip of his water.

“Maybe it has to do with that shit-eating grin you keep giving her” Liam suggested which earned a small laugh from Zayn.

“Maybe she hates One Direction, mate.” Zayn said next but Harry shook his head, furrowing his eyebrows. If you asked Liam, Jennifer hadn’t been anything but nice to them. She smiled politely and didn’t lose her patience when the boys fumbled over their words or fell into fits of giggles while trying to order.

“But she’s nice to you guys!” Harry couldn’t handle the idea that someone didn’t like him. No one _didn’t_ like Harry Styles and he had grown used to that. He was the bubbly favorite of every source of media and the larger portion of their fan base. That was fine, though, because Harry was the kind of person that people liked.  
The three of them continued to bicker for fifteen minutes, each throwing out new suggestions as to why exactly their waitress disliked Harry. “She doesn’t like long hair on guys!” Harry suggested, tugging at his locks, but Zayn dismissed it, pointing up to his hair, which was currently pulled half-up-half-down. It made Harry cross his arms and slump into his seat with a huff.

“Maybe she thinks that you’re drunk and trying to come on to her.” Liam mumbled. Harry turned the thought over in his head, the look on his face showed that he could almost accept it.

When the waitress returned with their food, Liam took the opportunity to ask. “Excuse me, miss?” He said softly.

“What can I do for you, darling?”

“I was just wondering if you had any negative feelings towards my poor Harold, here.” Liam raised his hand, gesturing towards the sulking boy across from him. The waitress’ eyes followed as she laughed softly.

“Why would I have that?” She said, smiling brightly. Her hand patted Harry’s shoulder softly before she turned her attention back to her tray, laying out the rest of their food.

“Told you so,” Zayn muttered, a please expression flooding over his face.

The waitress turned to leave and the boys must have realized how hungry they truly were because the next ten minutes were spent in absolute silence.

  
~  


It turns out that chocolate chip pancakes made Liam emotional, because half way through his stack he dropped his fork and started crying. Okay, it could have been the alcohol, but in the moment it felt like the pancakes caused it.

“It’s not _fair!_ ” He shouted, earning their table a few glares from the diner’s staff. Zayn’s hands were on Liam’s shoulders, massaging them gently. “It’s not fair that Louis is straight and gets whatever he wants! Why did he have to pick me? I didn’t ask for him to suck my dick!” Liam’s voice was still raised and he pushed his plate away from him in a fit.

Zayn moved first, sliding out of the booth quickly before wrapping his hand around Liam’s wrist and tugging him along. He sent the waitress an apologetic look as he dragged Liam outside, leaning him up against the outside wall of the diner. Harry stood shortly after Zayn and Liam had left, pulling out his wallet and leaving enough money to cover their bill along with a hefty tip to Jennifer.

When he met back with Zayn and Liam outside, Liam had sunk down onto the concrete of the sidewalk and pulled his legs to his chest. “I’m so stupid!” He shouted again, burrowing his face into his knees to muffle his crying. Zayn was draped over the boy, rubbing his back with one hand and soothingly running his fingers through Liam’s hair with the other.

“You aren’t stupid, Li.” Zayn whispered into Liam’s shoulder. “You aren’t stupid at all, don’t say that.”

“It’s true, Liam. You shouldn’t put yourself down like that.” Harry moved to sit on Liam’s other side, his long arm snaking around Liam’s waist. “You’ve just gotten your feelings hurt, is all.”

“No,” Liam snapped, raising his head. He didn’t say anything else to protest, just shook his head. Liam was stupid. He had never been the brightest and the boys always knew that and jokingly pointed it out. He was dumb academically, grammatically, mathematically and just in general sometimes. He was dumb to even think about having feelings for Louis, let alone falling for him as hard as he had.

“Li, babe.” Zayn tugged on Liam’s shirtsleeve now. “You aren’t, okay? Do you hear me? How you’re feeling right now? This isn’t your fault.”

“Why did he have to pick me to fuck with, Z? Why did ask me to help him back? Why did he ask me if I’d ever had a guy suck me off? Why did he care if it was Harry or not?” Liam’s chest felt tight as he leaned his back against the building, tilting his head up to stare at the black sky. “I hate Louis Tomlinson.” He declared.

“Let’s get you back to the hotel,” Harry said, standing and holding a hand out to Liam, who took it and pulled himself up. Zayn stood too, wrapping his arms around Liam’s waist from behind and hooking his chin on Liam’s shoulders.

“How about we get cookies and milk and all sleep in my bed so that way no one interrupts us in the morning?” Liam just nodded towards Zayn, wrapping one of his arms around his back to grip Zayn’s leather jacket with his fingertips. His other hand moved to Harry, pulling him into their embrace for a moment.

Liam cried into Harry’s shoulder with Zayn rubbing his back the entire cab ride back to the hotel. He tried to listen to their comforting words but nothing could penetrate what his own mind was telling him. Nothing could penetrate the way Louis had made him feel so disposable and worthless. He’d spent so long now ignoring his own feelings in favor of Louis and it was to the point where he just couldn’t do that anymore. He kept both of his friend’s shirts fisted in each hand as they made their way through the hotel lobby and into the elevators. They stopped by Liam’s room first, telling him to just come down to Zayn’s once he got into more comfortable clothes.

He had been alone for maybe two minutes before there was a knock on the door. Liam made his way across his room, pulling off the sweatshirt he had worn all day and tossing it to the side. “Zayn, I’m capable of changing clothes alone.” he mumbled, pulling open the door and running the back of his other hand across his eyes to dry them a little.

“Why have you been crying?” Louis asks and his voice makes Liam’s eyes blow wide.

“Why are you here?” He spat, backing away from Louis before crossing the room back to his suitcase.

“I was just seeing if you were back yet. Are you alright, Payno?”

“M’fine. Get out.”

“Liam...?”

“I said” His voice raised more than he had planned. With a deep breath, he took a moment to gather himself. The last thing he needed was to start crying again. “I _said_ get out, Louis.” Liam tried to act nonchalant, pulling a different shirt from his bag and changing into it as Louis lingered in his doorway.

When Louis finally mumbled his goodbye and backed out of the room, closing the door behind him Liam let his body sink to the floor, leaning up against his bed. He hated Louis Tomlinson.


	6. 06

The past week had been a whirlwind. It started with Liam and Louis carrying on like nothing had ever happened between them and somehow ended with Liam not even looking at him at all. Zayn wasn’t shunning him anymore, Harry even talked to him more often than not and Niall had never begun to act like there was any sort of drama going around the group. That was the best bit about Niall, Louis supposed. No one ever got mad at him, he never got mad at anyone else. He was the neutral little brother figure that they all cherished. Still, Louis could have all three of the other boys constantly hovering around him, giving him every bit of attention that he wanted but it wouldn’t be a match for the attention he wasn’t getting from Liam.

Liam hadn’t said one word to Louis since he had shown up to his hotel room to find his eyes red and his cheeks wet from tears. Liam had told Louis to leave and after a moment, Louis did. He wished now that he had pushed Liam to talk to him, to tell him what was wrong but he’d already made the choice and now he had to adjust to life on tour with Liam Payne ignoring his existence.

Shows were the hardest part to deal with, honestly. He never realized how little interacting he really did with anyone but Liam while performing until suddenly he wasn’t interacting with anyone. Louis didn’t have the stage presence of Liam or Harry or even Niall. Him and Zayn had always stuck to just roaming around the stage for the most part. He’d exchange some fun lines with Niall, have a laugh with Zayn but no one got him to physically run around the stage like Liam did. They were always engaged in some sort of activity, wrestling around during the other boys’ solos, or tossing their water at each other. Liam really made being on stage more fun for Louis but he didn’t get any of that at tonight’s concert.

Louis hung around the catwalk for the most part, and Liam always seemed to be at the furthest point away from him as he could be. He still sent his prideful smile and glances at Liam during any and every solo he conquered but for the first time, they weren’t returned. The entire concert came and went without Louis being acknowledged by Liam, not even after he announced having to have a wee in the middle before hurrying off stage. Which was the strangest part since Liam always had a joke to make about it.

He chose to stay on the bus tonight, not wanting to walk back to the hotel rooms with the other boys. He hadn’t had a tiff with Liam since X Factor and it was driving him insane. The biggest issue was that Louis didn’t even know what he had done. Him and Liam had been fine for weeks before he got shut out, it confused and hurt Louis but he couldn’t even get a chance to ask Liam what was going on.

Zayn wasn’t much help with the subject, he never wanted to talk about Liam and when Louis did bring it up Zayn would change the topic. He felt a bit alone for the first time in all the years that One Direction had been together. He hadn’t done anything wrong, definitely not something worthy of his friends turning against him. His eyes bore into the ceiling of the bus as he lay flat on his back on the sofa again. He had tried to reach out to Liam, tried to find him the morning after he kicked him out of his room but he had slept in Zayn’s room and skipped his gym routine. So Louis waiting until lunch when all the boys met up to eat in one of the hotel’s conference rooms, but Liam grabbed his food and headed back upstairs to his room. He had almost just barged in, using the room key he had to unlock the barrier keeping him from his best friend. Louis huffed a sigh and rolled onto his side now, thinking about the last time he had actually spoken to Liam and gotten a response.

_”What are you doing?” Liam asked, shouldering past Louis in the hallway so he could unlock his door and step into his room. He had just gotten back up from the hotel gym, and Louis’ eyes lingered on his bare torso a little too long._

_“Uh, I just wanted to talk, Li.” His tongue flicked out to wet his lips as he rocked back and forth on his feet._

_“Not much to talk about, Tomlinson.” And that was he. Liam pushed his door open and shut it behind him, locking the deadbolt as he did so._

Louis’ thoughts replayed watching Liam strut down the hallway before he had realized Louis was there waiting for him. He had a towel draped over his shoulder, but his torso still appeared sweaty and slick. Louis couldn’t help but lick his lips as he remembered.

  
~

It’d been an hour and no one had bothered him on the bus, and really, it wasn’t his fault that he had gotten tired of the way his dick was straining the front of his pants. Louis had gone all tour without touching himself, which, for him, was a rather large accomplishment. He’d already kicked his pants off of his legs and adjusted himself back into the sofa, palming at himself through his boxers.

He was just _so_ frustrated with everything. Sexually, emotionally—he was just frustrated. The boy bit on his lip, pushing the waistband of his boxers to his thighs. His body shuddered slightly as he ran his thumb through the bead of precum glinting against his tip. With slow, gentle strokes he spread the slickness around his length. No one knew quite how to get Louis off with their hand the way he preferred, maybe he was too picky of a lover, too pretentious in how the way things needed to be.

His fist pumped along his length, twisting ever so often to add a bit of spice to it. He let out a few groans, thrusting his hips ever so often to meet his own pumps. With his eyes shut and his head thrown back, Louis allowed himself to think about the last thing that had turned him on as he pumped himself: Liam after leaving the gym, sweaty Liam with his torso still glistening as he made his way down the corridor to his room.

Groans muffled only by Louis chewing on his bottom lip fought their way from his throat. He had drawn this out for a while; always believing that it was best to work himself slowly and thoroughly. His fist slid over the head of his cock as more precum gathered, a moan escaping as his slightly calloused palms brushed the sensitive tip.

His fist twisted again, gathering speed as he felt the familiar warmth twist in his abdomen. His other hand slid down, cupping his balls and squeezing only slightly to prolong his sensations, “ _Fuuuck_ …” he drug out, hips raising from the sofa as he jerked himself roughly a few more times. His mind picture Liam’s strong hand wrapped around his member, “—Fuck… Li” He moaned again, eyes blowing wide with realization as his cock twitched slightly under his grip and he spilled onto his stomach.

~

At 2 a.m. Louis found himself sitting on the ground against the tire of the bus, pulling out a cigarette and pressing it between his lips before patting his jacket down for a lighter. Summer in America was confusing, especially if you were traveling all across the country and experiencing it in all different areas. In the Midwest it could get cold after dark or it could stay hot and disgustingly humid. On the western side of the country it was hot. Very hot, but at least it didn’t feel like the air was sticking to you. And sometimes, no matter where you were, it rained for no good reason. Though he supposed he should be used to that sort of weather, he still hated dealing with it. It’d just stopped drizzling when he climbed out of the bus for a smoke, in fact, which is why he had on this blooming jacket with all its stupid zipped pockets that kept him separated from his lighter.

  
“Need a light, babe?” Louis didn’t bother looking up, already knowing who was towering above him, flicking a lighter to burn his own cigarette. 

  
“That’d be ace, bro” He offered Zayn a smile, catching the lighter that the boy tossed towards him. He flicked it, holding the flame to the end of his cigarette and breathed in the first hit. He always loved the first hit the most it was always powerful, almost too tough to handle and even though Louis had been smoking for years sometimes the first drag could force a small cough from him. It was probably stupid to relish in that sort of thing, but Louis was probably stupid for a lot of things. 

  
“Came to see if I could sleep on the bus with ya, figured I’d have a smoke while I was at it,” Zayn said, answering Louis’ unasked question. “You?” 

  
“Couldn’t sleep, y’know? Gotta… Um—got a lot on my mind I guess.” Louis pulled more smoke into his lungs, exhaling it through his nose. 

  
“Does your spliff offer still stand?” Zayn quirked an eyebrow, staring down at Louis like he could see right through him. 

  
“’Course it does, have I ever turned down a chance to blaze with my best bro?” He laughed slightly, holding his hand in the air so Zayn could grap it and pull him up. 

  
One standing, Louis took another pull from his cigarette, long, slow and rough, then flicked other half into a puddle nearby before jogging back onto the bus and towards his bunk. He pulled open his bag so that he could dig around for the empty axe can he always used to stash his weed. He popped the top off of it and pulled out an already rolled joint. He pressed his lips around the filtered end before closing his container and tossing it back into the bag. 

  
He returned outside to find Zayn staring up at the clouded sky while leaning against the bus. “Yo,” Louis said, clapping his hands then holding them up to gesture that he needed the lighter back. 

  
He fumbled to catch it, but got the marijuana cigarette lit. Smoking a spliff wasn’t much different than a cigarette. There was a bit of an extra punch but this _was_ a spliff rolled by Louis Tomlinson, and what would he look like being someone who had a rough smoking weed? No, he deserved the Grade A+ type of kush with only the smoothest of hits and sweetest of tastes. 

  
Louis pulled the joint from his lips, inhaling the smoke deeper into his lungs and holding it there while handing it off to Zayn, who took it between two fingers and held it to his lips. “Good shit, yeah?” Louis said, finally exhaling the smoke. 

  
Zayn took shorter hits than Louis did, exhaling them almost as soon as they filled his lungs. “S’better than your usual shwag, I guess.” Zayn teased, blowing smoke into the air between them before raising it to his lips again. “It hits quick, though.” 

  
Louis took it back and pulled around lungful of smoke in, nodding his head. He took a few more hits before passing it back to Zayn. His chest felt light like it always did when he got high and his knees shook slightly as if they were a gelatin mold that someone poked at just to watch it move about. 

  
It had started to sprinkle again by the time the boys smoked the joint down to the filter and tossed it. They filed back into the bus, laughing obnoxiously loud. Louis collapsed in his usual spot on the sofa, pulling the blanket onto him again without removing his jacket or shoes. He sat there, suddenly quiet, just staring into the space in front of him and trying not to think about what had happened in this very spot a few hours earlier. 

  
Zayn stepped around Louis’ feet and took a seat near him, waving his hand in front of Louis’ face. “Alright?” Zayn laughed. 

  
“Can you be too high?” Louis said blankly, furrowing his eyebrows. The high had done nothing to help clear his mind, if anything it made him hyper-aware of how he was feeling. Now sitting in this spot, he couldn’t stop thinking about the same thing he thought about as he jerked himself off. Which, by the way, weird thoughts to have while sitting next to your mate. 

  
Zayn shook his head, patting Louis on the shoulder. “Let’s play a game then? Yeah? Games are fun.” Zayn was smiling widely, his eyes hardly opened at all. Louis shrugged in agreement, unable to say no to the bubbly mess that Zayn became when he smoked. 

  
“Alright, let’s see who can talk the longest without using an s in their words.” 

  
“What are you on about?” Louis shook his head, laughing deeply. 

  
“That a good tart” Zayn beamed and they stayed quiet for a moment, unsure if they had the ability to carry this on. 

  
“What are we upp-owed to do if we can’t figure out how to ay a word without the—“ Louis frowned, furrowing his eyebrows and waving his hand around, “without the letter.” 

  
“What if we rathed the thaketh? And cut even more letterth out?” 

  
“You can’t talk with a lip that cheating!” 

  
Zayn waved his hand around, shaking his head. “Okay, okay!” He laughed, resting his hands on his stomach as he did so. “Time out, time out. Let’s go without using s or f or l or n.” 

  
“Honestly, Zayn?” 

  
“You’re so lucky I haven’t said time in yet” 

  
“So are you!” 

  
“TIME IN!” Zayn shouted, jumping at Louis and tackling him down onto the couch cushions. 

  
“Okay but you jut ‘ed a ‘etter!” Louis shouted, pushing his hands against Zayn’s chest. 

  
“Chut up, oozer.” Zayn’s lips twisted into a shit-eating grin and they fell into another fit of laughter. Eventually they settled into a comfortable silence, the high mixing with sleepiness and, for Louis at least, most of their energy had just been pulled from them as they laughed for a solid thirty minutes. 

  
Louis frowned again though, because the silence made it easier for him to think about things instead of having to focus on what his body was doing physically. After about five minutes passed he turned his head to Zayn, hitting him on the arm slightly to make sure he hadn’t passed out. 

  
“What up, babe?” Zayn said, staying still and leaving his eyes closed. 

  
“I thought about… um—Iam today” Louis admitted, deciding to continue their game. He hoped that Zayn coming out here tonight meant that Louis could finally talk to someone about how he’d been feeling. “I th-eeek I ucked up, Z.” 

  
“Proba-bee” 

  
“Upportive.” Louis let out a long sigh, dragging his hands down his face before staring at it intently as he pulled it away. “Why dote we have more hads?” He asked, waving his hand around. It caused Zayn to laugh and sit up straight, swatting Louis’ hand out of the air. 

  
“If you want to talk about Liam, this is your chance.” 

  
“Do I win the game, then?” Louis’ question was met with a glare and it made him press his lips together firmly. “Alright, fine. Yeah—okay. Alright, yeah” 

  
“You were going to talk about Liam, not drop the hottest hip-hop track of the year, Lou.” 

  
Louis scoffed and folded his arms across his chest, suddenly feeling too sober for this conversation. “Forget it, bro.” 

  
“If you’re going to tell me that you’re mad that Liam hasn’t been talking to you for a few days after you sucked his dick, while knowing he liked you, then left him alone in the morning then I don’t want to talk about it.” Zayn sighed, clearly still on Liam’s side. “However, if you’re going to tell me that you’re upset because you think you messed up the relationship you had with our best mate because you are selfish and bored, then I will listen to you.” 

  
“The second one,” Louis mumbled, leaning his head back against the couch. “It’s just that like... Okay, I’m selfish and stupid, I know. But I didn’t think about it making him pull away from me, Z. Liam’s never pulled away from me. He didn’t pull away from Harry during X Factor.” 

  
“Yeah, Lou but what the did during X Factor was _mutual_ as in they liked each other. As in they’re both a bit interested in guys. As in they weren’t just bored and sucking each other off for entertainment just to see if they could.” 

  
“Well, God, Zayn. Maybe I like Liam too then, yeah? Has no one thought of that?” Louis huffed, his face turning red. 

  
Zayn pressed his lips together and furrowed his brow. “You didn’t say, bro. I’m—Man, I’m sorry.” 

  
“I didn’t know, Z. I d-didn’t know!” Louis’ eyes welled up and he wiped the wetness away with shaking fingers. “I’m fucking straight, you know?” He gasped, “I’m not.. I’ve never liked guys! I’ve never… but Liam’s just...” He shook his head again, burying his face in his hand. Zayn’s arms found his shoulders and pulled him into an embrace. Louis felt like shit, not even’s Zayn’s gentle comforting could get his breath to stop coming in shaken sobs. Louis was straight. Louis didn’t like guys. But Louis liked Liam. At least he probably liked Liam. Possibly.


	7. 07

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bit of a longer chapter to make up for it taking so long to get it posted. I appologize that it's mostly liam/harry but the deed needed be done.
> 
>  
> 
> EDIT: there was an addition to the end of chapter 6 so if you haven't read that, make sure you have now.

“Li, it’ll be fun. I promise.” Niall said, pulling on Liam’s arm to try and get him out of bed. It was no use though and watching Niall’s small frame try to move his was enough to make Liam laugh. None of the boys were strong enough to actually move Liam, but that didn’t stop Liam from letting them think that they could. He’d fall down easily the moment any of them tackled him or tried to wrestle with him. He’d turn into a limp noodle if it meant it’d make his friends have more fun.

“If you go without me I’ll buy you enough Nandos to last a year, Horan.”

“You already pay for most of my Nandos, though.”

Liam sighed, pulling himself up from the bed, “You’re not wrong.” He laughed, pushing Niall a bit. It’s not that he didn’t want to go out with his friends, he did. He loved when the boys got to all go out together because it _never_ happened. Especially not on tour. But it was a month before Liam’s birthday and Niall’s was just a few weeks after that so Paul, who knew their schedules closer to the birthdays wouldn’t allow a night out, set the boys up at a nice bar in Indianapolis. Liam just hadn’t drank anything since the night with Louis and he hadn’t talked to Louis in a week. He just wasn’t ready for it and Liam knew that the once he got around all of them, especially with alcohol in his system, he’d have a hard time controlling the way he felt.

“It’s a birthday night out, bro! Who cares if it’s a month early, it’ll probably be the only one we get.” Niall crossed his arms over his chest, “First pint on me, yeah? Pay you back for all the food you buy me. Happy Early Birthday, Li.”

Liam pushed against Niall’s shoulder before crossing the room to find a good flannel for the night. “Whatever, whatever. Alrigh’, I’m going stop pestering me.” He said before turning back to Niall with a smile, “Happy Early Birthday, Nialler.”

~

A few hours later, in an outfit that Niall had ended up choosing, Liam emerged from his hotel room and made his way to the conference room the boys had been using to meet up in. “Lookin’ good, Li.” Harry beamed when Liam stepped through the door. The comment brought a blush to his cheeks and the boy lowered the snapback down on his head more, trying to cover his face.

One of the boys, probably Harry (or maybe all of them together), had bought a cake and got his and Niall’s names written on it under ‘Happy Birthday’. Niall’s hand clasped onto Liam’s shoulder and Liam turned to him, smiling so his eyes crinkled in the way they did. “Oh!” Harry gasped, crossing the room to find the bag he was carrying, “There’s candles too, can’t forget.”

When the boy returned to where Niall and Liam were stood he was carrying a few boxes of candles.

“Oi, you’re not going to put forty-four of them on there, are you? That’s a fire hazard, H.” Zayn quipped and Harry’s face suddenly fell serious as he looked up from the boxes, a slight pout to his lips.

“Don’t bring your hair around it then.” Harry pulled his eyebrows together, looking as serious as ever as he smacked his lips. His fingers fumbled with the boxes, breaking them open and pulling out the individual candles. Louis moved then, and Liam could have almost forgotten he was there.

“Let me help, Haz.” He offered with a smile stretched across his face. It made Liam’s heart sink. He realized how long it’d been since he’d even seen Louis smile properly. He hadn’t given him a second glance on stage and if they weren’t on stage he kept his distance. Louis didn’t give Liam the chance to keep his distance as he slid his body through the small space between Liam and the table where the candles and cake her. “Sorry, Payno.” He said offhandedly as their bodies grazed each other.

“Yeah,” Liam muttered, taking a step back. Alright, tonight was going to be awful. His body moved magnetically towards Zayn.

“It’ll be okay, Li” Zayn replied to Liam’s inner thoughts before he had even finished crossing the room. That was the best thing about Zayn, he figured. That he usually knew what each of the boys were thinking before they got a chance to say it. Zayn hooked his arm around Liam’s neck and smiled fondly at him before leaning in and pressing their foreheads together. “Tonight will be sick, yeah?” Liam nodded, trying to return the smile.

“Yeah, okay. Alright, tonight will be s—“

“—Niall you can’t just, NO” Harry shouted as he tried to slap Niall’s hand away from the cake, but Niall was too quick and he managed to gather a good chunk of the cake in his hand before Harry made contact. By the time Liam turned to face them, Niall had shoved cake in Louis’ mouth and Harry was absolutely fuming with a strip of icing across his cheek. Both Louis and Niall were reaching to grab at more cake when Harry yelled again, “So help me _God_ if you ruin this cake anymo—LOU!” He couldn’t help but laugh, feeling suddenly relieved of any negativity he was feeling. A cake fight was underway and Liam moved to become a part of it, making sure to pop a bit of the cake in his mouth for a taste. Soon enough everyone, even Harry, had joined in on the mess and they were all laughing together, trying to clean chunks of cake and icing from their skin.

“I’m going to have to go up and change again, mate.” Complained Zayn, tossing his dirtied wrag at Niall’s head.

“Me too,” pouted Liam, glancing down at the icing dried to his Henley. Even with the dirtied clothes, Liam felt a million times better about going out tonight. The air had shifted and suddenly Liam didn’t care about how he felt about Louis. It was something that seemed to have happened so long ago that it just didn’t matter. Nothing mattered but his mates tonight. God bless Niall Horan.

~

Aside from a few fans that had spotted them as they made their way to the bar, there weren’t many people that bothered with the boys. The inside of the bar wasn’t packed like Liam was used to clubs being back home, but instead just a few people sat at tables with their heads together and a few more people dancing in the middle of the room. The busiest part seemed to be the actual bar, each of its seats were taken and the bartender seemed like he was growing tired of the company sat near him.

“Paul wanted to make sure we weren’t harrassed.” Zayn whispered, his lips brushing against the skin of Liam’s ear as he spoke. “I don’t think any of these people really know or care who we are.” Zayn had a broad smile on, and Liam knew that he was thankful for the small amount of patrons joining them.

“Paul was telling me that it’s mostly art students who come in here,” Harry beamed, twisting his fingers in the back of Zayn’s shirt and leading him further into the bar.

“A bunch of ruddy hipsters, if you ask me.” Zayn retorted and Liam shook his head, laughing as he watched his two mates walk away from them because, honestly, had they looked in a mirror lately?

Liam took his solitude to really take in the place, the boys were right—it was definitely a college student hang out. Loads of people around his age huddled in corners with their wide brimmed hats tipped to hide most of their faces as they leaned into each other to talk about things Liam probably wouldn’t understand. It was neat though, funky even. The lighting made everything fun colors and there was a stage with instruments on one side under a large sign that said “LIVE MUSIC WEEKLY”. Liam almost wished he could venture in here on a night when it was packed, wishes he could see it in all its glory.

“Pretty cool, huh, Leemo?” Louis held out a cup filled with a deep colored liquid, taking a drink from his own cup.

Liam turned to look at Louis, pressing his lips together as he took the cup, raising it to smell before taking a drink. Spiced Rum and Coke, one of his favorites because it tasted like Vanilla Coke if you mixed it right, and this one was mixed right. “Yeah, yeah. It’s cool.” Liam cleared his throat and they stood there for a moment. Liam watched as Harry tried to lead Zayn onto the dance floor and Zayn laughed and shook his head, standing firmly with his arms crossed. “So—“

“Look, Payno, I know we’re having a row but I’ve really got to talk to you about some stuff tonight, yeah? Like I can’t just go the rest of tour without talking to my best bro…”

Liam ducked down, leaning in to try and get his ear closer to Louis’ mouth as he spoke but with the song changing to a more upbeat one with bass that pounded through Liam’s body, the effort was futile. He had only gotten a few words of what he had said pieced together when he leaned back again, something about wanting to talk so Liam nodded. His lips parted to spoke but Niall’s hands were wrapping around his wrist and pulling him towards Harry on the dance floor. “We’ll talk!” Liam shouted in promise, hoping that Louis could hear him. They would and things would get sorted out and Liam would suck it up and their friendship could move forward like this whole thing hadn’t happened. He’d stop waiting around like Louis was going to bust through his room and tell him he loved him. He’d stop wanting that; he’d stop expecting it from Louis. It wasn’t fair.

~

Liam was certain that they weren’t being charged for drinks and that’s why Niall kept showing up with new mixed drinks and beers for Liam to down while he stayed connected to Harry’s hips on the dance floor. The two only parted when he’d finally gotten Zayn to join them and instead of grinding against Harry, he opted to place his large hand on Zayn’s staggering body, guiding his hips through the song even though Zayn had plenty of rhythm that he was just usually too sober to tap into. But even the steady slow dance he shared with Zayn wasn’t enough to keep Harry’s energetic and needy body away from Liam’s as the song switched out again. Soon enough they were all dancing together, their bodies bumping up against each other with Harry pressed between Liam and Zayn.

Liam’s leg stretched between Harry’s, his arm draping over the boy’s shoulder so he could reach Zayn. The song was one of Liam’s favorites, one of Zayn’s favorites too but he was sure Harry had only heard it from hanging out with the two of them. There was something about Drake that made your body move on it’s own accord, made your hips grind against whatever would grind back.

“You working with some ass yeah, you bad yeah” Zayn mumbled along, his hands gripping Harry’s waste with a wide, toothy grin. Harry laughed, backing into Zayn slightly. It was so easy with these two, Niall was never one to stay on the dance floor but Liam still lifted his head to look past the now crowded dance floor to locate Niall and Louis leaning against the bar and throwing back shots. They were laughing and smiling and it made Liam bite on his lip to fight the smile on his lips that twisted with the knowledge that him and Louis would fix everything soon.

Zayn pulled away from the pair after the first verse, patting Liam on the back and mumbling something about a smoke break before walking away. Liam nodded and hummed, waiting for his favorite part to come before he spoke, “You telling me it's only been a couple other people that you've been with Imma trust you, Imma give you the benefit of the doubt, and Imma love you.” He took a breath, getting out of sync with the song slightly but continuing anyway, “You can even call me daddy, give you someone to look up to” His hands were pulling Harry closer to him, their foreheads pressed against each other’s and he could feel the heat radiating from Harry’s cheeks. He could see the slight blush that made its home on them, and Liam had to fight the urges to kiss at it like he would have a few years ago.

Harry was changing their position, turning so his back pressed into Liam’s chest, their bodies still moving along to the beat. Liam’s head dipped, burrowing in Harry’s neck, breathing the lyrics against his skin. His lips brushed against his skin only slightly but it was enough to make Harry’s body shiver just like Liam knew it would.

“Excuse me, Liam!” Harry shouted, pushing back against Liam before pulling away with a laugh.

Liam’s hands caught his waist though, pulling him back. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe Liam was just lonely again but he needed Harry’s body to keep touching his. “You’re excused.”

“Let’s get drinks,” Harry said, pressing his lips against Liam’s cheeks and Liam sighed, nodding his head and loosening his grip on the boy’s waist.

Liam was already drunk and as they made their way over to the bar it became increasingly obvious. His feet got in the way of each other 8/10 steps and he found himself clinging to Harry as they stumbled to meet up with the other boys.

“Quite a show you two put on,” Niall jeered, holding up his phone to press play on a recording he had taken of them.

“Come off it, mate” Liam bellows, pushing at Niall’s shoulder gently as Harry slipped from his grips to get them drinks.

“Should you slow down, Payno?”

Liam spun to face Louis now, raising his finger in the air and pointing at his face. “Maybe you should slow down, Tomlinson.” Louis looked so nice tonight and now that Liam got a chance to really take him in, really look him over, he almost faltered backwards. He hadn’t let himself think about Louis’ eyes and how they were mostly blue but sprinkled with a sort of green in some spots, or how they went crinkly at the corners when he really smiled or laughed, or his high cheekbones or his pink lips and how they looked wrapped around him. But he could take it all in now and it was too much for his mind to handle.

Louis let out a laugh, his eyes doing the crinkling thing and Liam’s heart felt like it was being squeeze inside of his chest. “You’re something else, Liam.” Louis’ head shook, taking a sip of his own drink.

Harry returned and slipped himself under Liam’s arm, pressing the new drink into his hand before taking a long sip of his. “So are you two talking again, then?” He asked, nodding between Liam and Louis.

The grip around his heart tightened again and Liam just shrugged and looked past the two of them, putting the drink to his lips and swallowing nearly half of it in one go. He didn’t want to think about anything anymore, especially if it involved Louis. He swallowed thickly, remembering how not long ago he felt happy and relieved that they were going to talk and work things out but now he couldn’t look at him. Not while he was this drunk.

His eyes scanned for Zayn, desperately wanting to get away from the conversation that was going on between Harry and Louis. Part of him wished that he hadn’t told Harry to stop snubbing Louis so he could have at least one thing to himself. But Liam couldn’t stop thinking about how to avoid hurting Louis even when he’d come into Liam’s room and done just that.

~

Zayn didn’t join them for another half an hour and by then Liam was about ready to burst at the seams. He hadn’t said anything and eventually his hand got tired of dipping under Harry’s shirt to toy with the skin stretched over his hipbone. He hadn’t stopped thinking about kissing Harry, even though he knew it was just something that he’d be using as a distraction. Harry knew that too, Liam could tell, but Liam also know that Harry didn’t care. They had provided distractions for each other plenty of times before and if it happened tonight, it’d be no different.

“Paul wants us to round up, mates.” Niall pouted, downing the rest of the contents in his cup. “S’far as Birthday nights out, this one was pretty tops, ay Payno?”

Liam nodded at that, slapping a smile on his face for added emphasis. It really was a good night and maybe after sleeping he’d wake up and feel like he was ready to face a world where Louis Tomlinson was his friend who didn’t give him blowjobs again.

Liam allowed himself to be pulled into the chatting about the night and how they think the show will go tomorrow and how they’re excited about playing in a new city. He was still drunk, his heart was still clenched tightly and he stayed pressed close to Harry until Paul met them and led them outside and back into their van.

~

Harry followed Liam back to his room like he assumed he would, their fingers twisted in each other as they stumbled their way down the hall, laughing as they fell into Liam’s room.

It’d been two years since Liam’s lips last met with Harry’s. There wasn’t a real reason they finally put an end to their fooling around, they just stopped and that was fine. There wasn’t a fuss, there wasn’t any drama, they didn’t have a row; things were just so easy with him. So, when Liam shut the door behind them before slotting their lips together he didn’t have to think twice about what he was doing. It felt so freeing, to be able to let loose of the frustration he had bubbling inside of him. When Harry’s lips moved against his, Liam’s entire body relaxed and they stumbled backwards towards the bed, pulling off each other’s shirts as they moved.

Kissing Harry Styles was something that Liam wished everyone could experience. His lips were plump and always had just the right amount of wetness. They were chapped most of the time, but that only made the feeling of them linger on your lips that much longer after they parted. Liam had traces of Harry’s lips lingering all over his skin right now, his chest where Harry had kissed across his collar bones, his neck where Harry bit at his jaw, his stomach where Harry had sucked a few marks just because he could.

Liam was hovering over Harry, whose lanky arms were being held above his head by Liam’s strong hands as he rolled his hips into Harry’s. Liam’s breath hitched as their erections caught each other through their jeans. “Pants, Liam.” Harry muttered as he mouthed against Liam’s shoulder. Liam grunted a response and moved now, propping himself on his knees and undoing his belt with fumbling fingers. Harry’s fingers twisted around Liam’s, moving them away before undoing the belt along with the buttons of Liam’s jeans. The boy slid from the bed now, pushing the jeans down with a few shakes before turning his attention to Harry’s god forsaken button fly. Once conquered, Liam peeled Harry’s tight jeans down and climbed his way back up to his mouth, pressing a chaste kiss against his lips as he lowered himself back down against Harry’s body.

Harry’s hand is snaking its way between then, padding against Liam’s bulge as they kiss and for a moment he let’s himself really wonder why they stopped doing this. He wonders why this wasn’t enough for either of them because in the moment it feels like everything he’s wanted. Until his hand slides up Harry’s body and fists in his long, curly hair and he realizes that he wishes it was Louis’ soft, straight hair instead. Oh, Liam thinks, That’s why. Because even if Liam had a crush on Harry four years ago, it faded long before they stopped being each other’s distraction.

But Liam’s hips don’t stop rolling against Harry’s and his lips don’t stop leaving marks across his chest that he’ll have to explain away if he decides to wear one of his shirts unbuttoned at the show tomorrow. And Harry’s panting and bucking his hips off of the mattress to meet the rhythm that Liam has created and it’s almost enough to get Liam off right there in his boxers because even if there weren’t feelings here, Harry’s right fit and there’s never been a moment he didn’t know exactly what he was doing.

“What do you want, Li?” Harry nearly moans as Liam’s cock hooks against his. “Don’t wanna come like this.”

“Mouth?” Liam asked and his reasons aren’t entirely selfish. (Okay, they are, but he also knows that Harry loves giving head.)

Harry nods, raising his hips against Liam’s once more before pulling himself into a sitting position after Liam’s rolled off of him and perched himself on the edge of the bed.

Harry was straddling Liam’s lap, pressing tender kisses into his mouth while rubbing Liam’s hardness through his boxers when Liam heard the click. Harry heard it too and it didn’t take long for their bodies to part but they weren’t fast enough.

“Payno, we were supposed to talk tonight and I’m not going to bed until we—“ Louis’ gaped at them, eyebrows furrowing. “What the fuck?” He choked

Harry pulled on his shirt, laughing drunkenly but Liam sat very still, eyes never leaving Louis. He couldn’t get a read on him. He seemed upset, but not in a ‘I-just-walked-in-on-my-mates-about-to-fuck’ type of way. It looked like it went deeper than that and Liam couldn’t help the twisting in his gut that made him wish this was jealousy he saw riddled across Louis’ face. “We were just, um,” Liam swallowed hard, his eyes desperately fluttering to Harry.

“We were drunkenly fooling around. Not like you two haven’t done the same.” Harry said pointedly, pulling his pants on now. Liam watched the way he struggled to get his bulge tucked in, licking his lips slightly. When his eyes moved back to Louis he convinced himself he was imagining the wetness in his eyes and the way he wouldn’t make eye contact.

“I’ll just—Alright.” Louis turned on his heals, nearly running from Liam’s room.

“Well? Go on, then.” Harry threw a pair of Liam’s basketball shorts at him, hitting him in the face with it.

“I’m not—Harry, no. I don’t want to chase him.”

“Li.” Harry said, exasperatedly and as if Liam’s dick wasn’t a few minutes away from being down his throat before Louis walked in. “Go. Now.”

Liam stood then, pulling on the shorts that Harry had tossed him.


	8. 08

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this could potentially be my sloppiest chapter yet. It's 7 am but I couldn't stop writing once I started. I hope you guys enjoy it. Not done yet :)x

He wasn’t jealous, really. He wasn’t. If Liam wanted to make a damn fool of himself and—what does he call it? Throw some crazy shapes with Harry in the middle of a club, drunk off his ass then he could do just that. Louis just wouldn’t watch.

He wasn’t drinking, just ordered coke and kept his eyes on his band mates. He’d done enough drinking thus far on tour and honestly; he had stopped seeing it’s appeal. It’d gotten him in enough trouble and Louis wanted to be as sober as he could be for the talk him and Liam were supposed to have later tonight. He was tired of messing things up, and tired of denying the way he really felt about boys. About Liam. It was time for him to come to terms with who he was and he couldn’t be under the influence of anything for that to really happen.

So, yeah, he was kind of upset that Liam seemed to be drinking everything he could when he knew they would be meeting up after this. Kind of upset that Liam had Harry wrapped around him for everyone to watch. But he wasn’t jealous. Liam looked like he was having fun and that alone was enough to make Louis smile, even if he was having fun while wrapping himself around Harry’s waist as they all gathered together.

Louis couldn’t look at him, but he smiled and joined in with Harry and Niall in conversation. It was ridiculous how they were acting. Louis felt as though he was some sort of ex-wife who still got invited to family dinners only to show up and witness her ex-husband with his new partner. Er, well—they were both the ex-husband, he corrected himself mentally. There was nothing wrong with that. He was starting to understand.

Zayn’s hand on his lower back brought him back to the conversation at hand, Zayn smelled like new smoke and a gentle, faint cologne that Louis had grown accustomed to. It was comforting, relaxing. Louis leaned into Zayn’s touch as he spoke to the group. Louis just wanted to feel comforted; Zayn must have sensed that. He must have felt the tightness in Louis’ muscles because he began rubbing gentle circles with his thumb as the other boys downed their drinks.

~

He was secluded from everyone, but he could still hear the screaming; the shouting of their names. The chanting. One Direction. One Direction. One Direction. It was late, and it irritated Louis. Not just for him, but for the people who weren’t in the band. The people around that weren’t used to this type of thing.

It didn’t seem right. The fact that their fans knew so little about what really went on off stage, it just didn’t seem right. They had their ideas, wrong ones, ideas that included him and Harry in a relationship, or Liam and Zayn. It was all wrong, wasn’t it? Liam and Harry were the only ones who had actually been a _thing_. He and Liam could be as well, he supposed. Depending on how this talk went. Depending on whether Louis could gather himself and gather his feelings.

He inhaled the smoke too sharply, coughing slightly on the exhale. He couldn’t gather anything out here, not with the screaming fans and the sticky air. Smoke filled his lungs one last time, floating back out through his nose and gathering in a large cloud around him. It hung heavy in the air like everything else on Louis’ mind. But it gave him the push he needed. It was as if everything he was worried about was materializing right in front of him. He swatted his hand through the smoke, flicking his cigarette onto the ground before dragging the sole of his shoe across it.

He made the way into the hotel through the back, staying hidden from most any one who may be looking for him. He moved for the stairs, not bothering to cross the lobby towards the elevator. They were up seven fights, but he needed the time to mull over his thoughts.

Two flights. He’d tell Liam how sorry he was. Sorry about dragging him along, sorry about hurting him in the first place. Sorry about not noticing how badly Louis had hurt him. Sorry for leaving him. He’d apologize for everything, he’d apologize _everything_ he had ever done to upset Liam in the last four or five years they’ve known each other.

Four flights. He’d tell Liam how he’s spent so much of his life with the boys denying how he felt whenever he’d see Liam with someone else. He’d tell Liam how he’d always been weak for his puppy dog eyes even if he’d never shown it. He’d tell Liam how jealous he really been over how Liam always seemed to pick someone before him. Someone better, someone like Harry or Zayn. Someone who didn’t hurt Liam the way Louis did.

Six flights. He’d tell Liam about himself. He’d tell him how confusing and conflicting his feelings were. He’d tell Liam how much it hurt him to have the feelings he did, how hard it was. How Louis was _straight_ and how he’d been with Eleanor for years. How he didn’t know how to come to terms with himself, with how he really felt.

Seven flights. He was so close. So close to telling Liam everything. So close to confessing everything to Liam. Telling Liam that he wasn’t alone with his feelings. He was so close—so, fucking close to telling Liam that he loved him back. That it’d taken him years to realize it but he knew. A smile creeped across Louis’ face as he closed in on Liam’s door. God, he was so close. Things could get so much better.

Room 709, 711, 713, just a few more. Things were going to change-- Louis was going to change. He wondered if Liam would accept his words, his apologies. But it was Liam; of course Liam would accept his apologies. Louis knew that, knew that even if Liam was angry with him still that Louis had some sort of pull over him. He really shouldn’t be pleased by that, the manipulation he has over Liam; but it gives him a way back in. He needs the way back in.

He dug his hand into his pocket, pulling out the key card he’d grabbed before heading down to smoke. He was ready to face this, he was ready to get it over with. He unlocked the door, taking a deep breath as he watched the light turn from red to green. He paused, almost deciding not to open it at the last minute. He pushed on.

“Payno, we were supposed to talk tonight and I’m not going to bed until we—“ Louis’ gaped, taking in what was in front of him with furrowed brows. “What the fuck?” He choked out, stumbling backwards as he stared at Harry’s naked body climbing off of Liam’s. His chest tightened and he shook his head, feeling like he could be dreaming.

Harry was laughing and pulling on his shirt and Louis wanted to cross the room and swing on them. His eyes ripped away from him and fell to Liam, he hadn’t moved. Hadn’t said anything. Louis looked at him with wide, questioning eyes. There was no hiding the wetness in them, the hurt. Louis wasn’t trying to hide that anymore.

“We were just, um,” Liam’s eyes moved to Harry and that made Louis’ heart sink into his stomach, getting consumed in the acid.

“We were drunkenly fooling around. Not like you two haven’t done the same.” Harry finished and Louis didn’t miss the way Liam’s eyes fluttered to check Harry out. At a time like this, with Louis near crying in the door way of his room, Liam decided to—to _fucking_ check out Harry. It was the last straw, the one that broke the camel’s back. Louis had to get out of there before his breakdown got serious.

“I’ll just—Alright.” Louis turned around and ran. He ran from Liam and from Harry and from the room.

~

Louis’ entire body was shaking. Like proper shaking. He was leaning against the wall as he walked, barely able to put one foot in front of the other. His mind felt like it could explode as he tried to calmly walk through the hallway of the hotel. He couldn’t imagine what he’d look like if anyone were to step out of their room and saw him, so he just hoped that they didn’t.

What the actually fuck had he walked in on? And why did it hurt him so much? Why did it make him feel like his entire world had just been flipped on its head? “We were drunkenly fooling around.” Harry’s words played through his head, “Not like you two haven’t done the same.” That’s what him and Liam had done, too. Drunkenly fooled around and Harry pointed that out. Reminded him that’s all it was.

His face was wet with tears he didn’t realize had fallen and all he could think about was getting to Zayn. He had to get to Zayn. If he could get to Zayn he could get this all worked out, he could figure out his feelings and Zayn would help him.

“Tommo!” He could hear Liam but he didn’t dare turn to face him. Louis’ back straightened as he walked, trying to put as much distance between him and Liam as he could. Liam was fast though, faster than Louis was, and even drunk he could catch up to him.  
“Let go of me, Liam!” His voice was a harsh whisper as he yanked his arm away but Liam didn’t give up. His large hands spun Louis around to face him but Louis’ couldn’t make eye contact.

“Why are you crying?” He looked at Liam now, blinking away the blur from the tears. He regretted it as soon as he took in the worried expression on Liam’s stupid, puppy dog face.

“I asked you that once and I think it’s for similar reasons” He wanted out of Liam’s grip, he wanted far away from Liam as he could get.

“I—What are you on about Lou?” Liam’s grip tightened as if he could read Louis’ mind, as if he knew that Louis was about five seconds from running away again. If Louis couldn’t physically see that Liam’s hands were on his shoulders, he’d think they were squeezing his heart.

“Do you love him?” He asked instead, narrowing his eyes at Liam.

“What? Love wh—Harry? Do I love Harry?” Louis nodded as if to point out how obvious it was that he meant Harry. “Of course I love Harry, he’s one of my best mates?”

Louis’ eyes could have rolled out of his eyes. “No, Liam.” He sucked in oxygen, closing his eyes and throwing his head back. He couldn’t help but think about what Zayn had said about Liam and Harry being mutual. The word bounced around his head. Mutual. Mutual. Mutual. Louis and Liam weren’t mutual and Louis had spent all this time thinking it was him at fault for that, thinking that it was him who was destroying Liam by not loving him back but that wasn’t true. There wasn’t love to give back, not romantically anyway. Louis thought this whole time that he needed to work on himself, needed to sort himself out because he was straight, right? But if he was straight then why didn’t being with Liam feel wrong? Why didn’t thinking about being with Liam again feel wrong? When it came down to it, Louis knew he had feelings for Liam. He knew that there was more to it than just bros and he thought that’s what Liam felt too. He’d be told that’s what Liam felt. It was wrong though, everyone was wrong. “Do you _love_ him.” He said in response to Liam’s confused eyes, “Do you love him like I thought you loved me?”

Liam’s hands finally dropped at that and Louis took it as the answer. Of course Liam loves Harry, because Liam and Harry were mutual from the start. Harry had never lead Liam on or drug Liam around. Never made Liam sit on the sidelines with feigned happiness while he sorted himself out.

“Louis, wait—don’t” Louis ran. Liam was fast though, faster than Louis and he had his wrist again. It almost hurt, the way Liam spun him around and backed him against the wall again. “Bro—Lou, stop running. You can’t _keep_ running.”

His chest heaved with breath, trying to gather himself enough to not cry. It was useless. Absolutely useless. His eyes stared into Liam’s, the wetness pouring over his lids as he did. “Let me fucking go, Liam.” He pounded a fist against Liam’s chest but Liam just pulled him closer. “Let go of me!”

One of Liam’s hands released its grip on his arms only to cup over his mouth to silence him. “You can’t keep shouting, Louis. We’re in the middle of a fucking hallway!” His voice was hushed, but harsh. Louis couldn’t stop shaking.

“’emme go!” He mumbled under the clasp of Liam’s hand.

“No, you’ll run. I can’t chase you anymore. I can’t deal with you always leaving me.” It made Louis stop fighting, made him stop struggling against Liam’s strength. He was weighed down with the guilt of leaving Liam. He couldn’t move anymore.

“I love you, Louis. I don’t—it’s not like that with Harry.” He moved his hand away from Louis’ mouth now, trusting him enough not to scream.

“That’s rich,” He spat the moment his mouth was free. He didn’t mean to be hateful; he didn’t mean to keep treating Liam like this. It was a defense mechanism. It was how he kept from getting more hurt. Liam shied away, releasing Louis as he did. Louis should have backed down. He didn’t. “Why him, Liam? Why—why Harry? It had to be Harry. You couldn’t have just—just...” Waited. He wanted Liam to have waited.

“Have just _what_ , Louis? Followed you around like—like some long lost puppy? I’m tired of being that, I’m tired of being walked over.”

Louis swallowed hard. He was tired of walking over Liam, too. He didn’t know how to stop; he didn’t know how to let himself open up. He didn’t know how to tell Liam all of the things he wanted to tell him.

Liam backed away, shaking his head. “I’m not doing this,” He waved a hand between them, “anymore.” Louis wanted to reach out and grab him, wanted to kiss at his lips until they twisted away from a frown. His opportunity was slipping away. He was losing his way in. He was losing Liam.

“Li—…I—Come on,” He was too late, he knew it.

“No, Louis, I’m not—I’m not doing this.” Liam’s voice sounded as broken and Louis felt. “No more, Tommo.” His words were followed by a shrug, as he turned away, moving back towards his room. “I shouldn’t have bothered thinking it’d be anything more.”

It was so much more. It was everything. It was too late. Everything Louis had planned out flew from his mind the moment he saw Liam with Harry. It hurt too much.

He watched Liam walk away, watched him heading back towards Harry. He had to stop him, had to keep him. Had to get him back into his grasps and stop letting go.

Louis’ feet were moving faster than his brain, the distance was closing but his thoughts hadn’t caught up. He didn’t know what he was going to do. His hands were grabbing him, though. He wasn’t as weak as it seemed, wasn’t as strong as Liam was, but he could hold his own. He could turn Liam around; push him against the wall, so that’s what he did. He pinned him down with his body, knowing that if Liam wanted him off all it would take is a shove.

The shove never came though, and Louis got a good look at Liam’s face. He was crying, too. Maybe not as recklessly as Louis was, but he wouldn’t be able to deny the wetness there. Louis thumb brushed over it. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He couldn’t say it enough, couldn’t say it with enough urgency. “Fuck, Li—I’m so sorry.” His lips pressed against the apples of Liam’s cheeks, kissing the wetness away. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Louis shook his head, rubbing his thumbs across his cheeks. “I love you—I love you, I’m sorry.”

Liam was stoic, unmoving under Louis. His eyes bore down on him, his hea shaking like he didn’t believe him.

“I do, Liam. I love you. I’m sorry—I couldn’t stand to see you with someone else, not like that-- not like how _I_ should be. I’ve never been able to handle that.”

Liam was still silent, just staring at Louis like he was trying to read him. Trying to see through him.

“Don’t look at me like that. Don’t look at me like you don’t believe me.”

Silence. Staring.

“Liam, just listen to me, yeah? I love you. I don’t know when it started but I think it’s been awhile. I think it’s been forever. I can’t remember _not_ loving you at this point.” He stepped back from Liam, giving him the chance to walk away. He didn’t. “It took me awhile, I didn’t know I even had feelings for you. Not until you stopped talking to me—you just cut me off and I realized I’m not even half the person I am when I don’t have you, Li.” His hands pushed through his hand, pulling at it in frustration. “Fuck, and seeing you with Harry. It’s always been Harry, since bootcamp, it was you and Harry. But then it was you and Zayn and you—you hated me. I thought I’d never have a friend in you like Harry and Zayn had. Even Niall was your best friend. Everyone was your best friend, Li.” He took a deep breath, pacing. “Harry and I got close when the band formed, but that only lead to him talking about how fucking fit you were all the time. Telling me how good of a kisser you were, and so on. God, that sucked, you know? My best friend talking about this guy that I couldn’t talk about the way he did because I was straight.” The word caught in his throat, “I _was_ straight. I thought I was. It’s never been an issue. It was always just El and I, you know?” He looked at Liam as if he’d get an answer. Silence.

“But the last year or so, it’s not been the same with her. I didn’t love her, I don’t know if I ever really did; maybe in the beginning, when it was new and fresh and distracting but not the entire time, definitely not the entire time. Tour was getting closer and I couldn’t stop thinking about you, you know? I was just so excited to get to be around you again. So excited to have your dumb puppy eyes flash me before you crawled into bed after not being able to sleep… I needed that, I needed you.”

His eyes were pleading with Liam now, he was still crying and just standing in the middle of the hallway, pouring everything out to this boy who wouldn’t even speak to him. He pushed on, desperate to fill the silence with something, anything.

“So, I started to notice how I felt that first night you slept with me, the night I started all those rumors on twitter by posting the picture. I didn’t mean for that to happen, I didn’t. I saw the things that were said but—I couldn’t regret them. I couldn’t regret making people put our names together in bold letters next to ‘DATING SCANDAL?’ I ate it up, the first night or so. I ate it up, pretending that it could be like that. And then we were drunk and playing truth or dare and I had told Zayn that I thought you might be into me then he asked you and it’s like I just knew…” Zayn would kill him if he heard him telling Liam that, he’d kill him if Louis made Liam feel like he couldn’t trust Zayn. “And then Harry was giving you a lap dance and I could feel the jealousy burning the back of my throat. I could feel it, but I couldn’t say.”

Liam shifted, rubbing his hand against the back of his neck. He looked like he was going to speak finally but when he opened his mouth, it shut again. Louis continued.

“Then we were drunk again and you carried me back to your room, I hadn’t stopped thinking about you. The thoughts were always harder to will away when I wasn’t sober. I watched you change,” He laughed, realizing how creepy it sounded, “I watched you changed and I knew that I wanted to do something about the curiosity, knew I wanted to touch you. So I did—not before I got myself jealous over Harry again.” He shook his head, furrowing his brows. He didn’t mean for every bit of affection he gave to Liam be a result of Jealousy, it just happened that way. “Then I freaked out, Li.. Because I was so comfortable with doing it, it felt so natural to do it. I was straight—I was.. I was straight, I’ve never not been straight but whenever I’d think about you, I’d realize I wasn’t and it was terrifying and I wasn’t ready to face that part of me, yet. You deserved, you still deserve so much more than I can give you, so much more than I’ll ever be. I’m just a scared twat, Li. A scared twat that’s probably been in love with you for near five years.”

Liam moved, but didn’t speak. His lips slotted against Louis’ instead of forming words but Louis couldn’t complain. His eyes blew wide before he settled into Liam’s mouth, closing them as he wrapped his arms around his neck and giving back to the kiss as much as Liam was. He wanted to know what Liam tasted like, memorize the way his lips felt because he was sure he was dreaming. He had to have been dreaming. He peeked his eye open again, chancing a look. He saw Liam, face reddened with tears but his eyes were closed and he was kissing Louis. He was kissing Louis and Louis was kissing back.

“I love you—you’re so—stupid, you’re stupid…—I love you” Liam muttered against his lips, his large hands gripping Louis’ waist. Louis nodded, massaging his lips against Liam’s and agreeing with his words. Liam didn’t mean it in a harsh way, he wasn’t shooting Louis down; he was stupid. He had almost let Liam out of his grips, almost kept everything bottled in for however long it’d take for Liam to move on.

“Love you so much” He mumbled out as he sucked in a breath.

Someone was clearing their throat and for a moment before then, Louis had forgotten where they were completely. He didn’t remember that they were in the middle of a hotel room where anyone could see them; he didn’t care either. He was tired of keeping how he felt about Liam from himself and everyone else.

“You have two rooms. Choose one, please.” It was Harry’s voice and Louis almost felt guilty for what he was doing but if Louis knew Liam, and he likes to think he does, then he knew that Harry knew everything already. That Harry wasn’t surprised to walk into the hall and find them locking lips against the wall. Louis’ eyes still stared into Harry’s, trying to offer an apology. “Sorry you caught me snoggin’ him, Lou.” Harry’s hand awkwardly ran through his hair, offering a shrug as an apology. Harry and Louis hadn’t been as close as they used to be in years, but there will always be something that pulled him to this boy. Something that made them connected still. Louis smiled at him, shaking his head. The apology wasn’t needed. He didn’t have to be jealous of Harry anymore. He knew Harry never wanted it to be like. “Payback for all those times I caught you drooling over him on Xfactor, yeah? Took you long enough to grow a pair.” Louis tried to look sheepish under Liam’s stare.

“It’s about fucking time, if you ask me.” Niall’s voice isn’t one that Louis expected to hear. “It’s been righ’ terrible having to listen to you both drone and complain about each other to everyone but each other.” Louis turned to find Niall leaning out of his doorway, the one they were pressed against the wall opposite of. Liam started laughing, his full body laugh that made him shake. Louis was shaking with him, just from being pulled so close.

“Fifty bucks to Zayn, I guess.” Harry passed the boys, moving in Niall’s direction now.

The words spun in Louis’ mind, “Are you telling me that you guys had a pool against us?” He moved from Liam, his hands pressing against his hip as he turned to scold his friends. But Louis was met with their smiling face, and Harry’s arm draped across Niall’s shoulders. “I hate you lot, Zayn, too.”

“I’m telling him you said that!” Niall jeered. He wouldn’t.

“Let’s go to bed, Lou.” Liam said, pulling Louis’ body back into his, pressing his lips in his hair. “You lot too.”

Louis closed his eyes, getting used to the feeling of Liam’s hands on him. Liam pulled him, lead him away from Liam’s room and towards Louis’, leading them inside and shutting the door behind them. He wanted to ask why but when he made the move to do so, Liam’s lips were on his again and he was guiding him backwards and through the dark towards the bed.

“I love you, bro.”

Louis laughed at that, “I love you too, bro.”


	9. 09

Everything felt like shit. He had a tongue made of sandpaper and his head was pounding so hard he thought it’d explode. Liam’s eyes squeeze shut tighter, his brows furrowing. He couldn’t open them, he decided, because if he did then his head _would_ explode.

Liam loved his fans, honestly, he did. Loved them more than anything. But it couldn’t be past noon and the screaming had already started, he tried remembering the night before and wondering if it ever really stopped. It probably didn’t.

His thoughts lingered on the night before, trying to piece together what happened since they entered the bar. He thought he was going to go into the night and take it slow, told himself that he wouldn’t drink too much but that hadn’t lasted very long and now here he was laying mostly naked in bed trying to piece the night together.

There was a slight dip in the bed, a groan and then a yawn. If Liam thought he couldn’t open his eyes before, now he knew couldn’t, scared of what he might have done. Who he might have done.

“Stop acting like you’re still asleep,”

“Hangover.” He said, waving his hand in the air, breathing out a sigh of relief at Louis’ voice. His hand fell to his bare chest, rubbing gently before forcing himself into a sitting position while Louis sauntered off to the bathroom.

At least it wasn’t a stranger in his bed. At least it was someone he knew he didn’t have sex with. He let out a soft laugh, shaking his head. He didn’t know what happened last night but he was glad Louis and him seemed to have at least fixed whatever the fuck was going on between them. He wondered what was said, what he had said. It didn’t matter though; as long as he had Louis back in his life then he was fine with whatever it was.

He made he way towards the sink, searching for his toothbrush for several minutes before realizing they weren’t in his room. “Lou?”

“Hm?” He replied over the sound of the shower water.

“Why am I in your room? I’m not complaining I just don’t remember.”

The door to the shower swung open and Louis’ eyes looked angry. “You don’t remember last night?” Liam shook his head, confused. “Like anything? You don’t remember anything?” Liam shrugged, taking in Louis’ face. He looked so hurt, but Liam couldn't place why.

“Wait are you mad at me? What did I do?”

“Oh, go—Go talk to Harry,” He huffed, shutting the bathroom door again.

~

“What? No, that didn’t happen.” Liam laughed, shaking his head but the memories were there, he could picture it happening in such great detail that he knew Harry couldn’t be making it up.

“How much did you actually drink last night? I can’t believe I was going to suck you off when you were _that_ drunk. I’m glad he barged in, now.” Harry said cooly as he squeezed toothpaste out of the tube.

“I was—uh, fairly drunk I guess.” His fingers pinched the bridge of his nose. “No wonder he looked so mad at me this morning.. God, I’m stupid.”

“He probably feels pretty stupid right about now,” Harry said around his toothbrush, offering Liam a shrug. His heart sunk, frowning. It was quiet, just the sound of Harry’s sink running for a while. “Did you mean it?” Harry spat the toothpaste from his mouth, wiping his lips with the back of his hand. “When you said you loved him, do you mean that?”

“Of course I do. I’m not the one who needed to be drunk to say it, Haz.”

Harry’s head shook, “He drank straight coke all night.” Liam’s heart sunk further.

“I’ve gotta--” He paused, taking in a deep breath. “I’ve gotta find Lou,”

“Obvously.” Harry smiled, patting Liam on the shoulder. “God speed, my good man.” He said in an over the top posh accent, lightening the mood slightly. God bless Harry Styles.

~

Liam didn’t bother knocking on the door of the bus, just pushed himself in and made his way to Louis’ bunk. It was empty, though, and Liam felt like this could never just be easy on him. His forehead pressed against the wall, frustrated and no one but himself. Louis loved him, Louis actually had feelings for him and Liam had been too drunk to remember. He couldn’t remember all of the things Louis had told him and he’d never have the opportunity to have those words replayed for him.

“What are you doing?” Liam spun around, his lips twisting into an ungodly wide smile.

“I talked to Harry.” Louis furrowed his eyebrows. “Hear me out, okay? don’t talk.” Louis furrowed his brows but didn’t speak so Liam continued. “I love you, I love you so much and I have for longer than I’d like to admit to anyone. I’m sorry I’m so stupid, I’m sorry I drank. I just thought that when you said you wanted to talk yesterday that I’d have to finally swallow me feelings for once and for all. I thought I’d have to give up on the thoughts I had for you and I.” He shook his head. “I don’t know what all you said last night and that absolutely breaks my heart and I’m so sorry I don’t remember but I meant it when I told you I loved you, that wasn’t just me talking drunk.” Liam laughed slighty, “I know I do that a lot but not that time, you know? I was serious. One hundred percent. I love you and I just never thought you could ever—you know, have feelings in return. Harry told me everything he could, he filled in as many blanks as he could but I feel like shit for being too drunk to know for myself. God, I’m so sorry, Lou—I’d never mean to hurt you.” Liam shifted his weight slightly, opening his mouth to continue his speech.

“Have you quite finished?” Louis laughed, closing the distance between them.

Liam laughed too, shaking his head and gripping Louis’ waist in order to pull him closer. “I have, actually.” He said smoothly like this was a thing they did all the time. It kind of was.

Louis rocked onto his tiptoes even though there wasn’t that much space to close between their lips. Their lips melted together, like they belonged there. Like they were meant to move against each other in this way. It was a familiar feeling, something that suddenly stuck out in his mind from the night before. Nothing could make him forget the way Louis’ lips felt against his.


	10. 10

A month of sharing kisses. A month of Louis no longer getting his own hotel room, a month of figuring out how the other’s inner mechanisms work. It wasn’t a hard adjustment; they were already closer than most anyone else. Louis didn’t think that it could get easier to adjust to falling in love than it had been with Liam. They just… clicked. Everything was right with them. Did they still manage to find every single way to tease the other? Absolutely. Because no matter how much Louis loved Liam—and he _really_ loved Liam, he loved frustrating Liam more. That’s how he found himself half naked, pressed against Liam’s body and still managing to pop off smart-ass remarks.

“Replay” He moaned as Liam sucked at his collarbone. Liam shoved him down onto the bed instead, shaking his head. “I _said_ replay, Payno.”

Liam crawled up Louis’ body, his legs straddling his waist as he mouthed at any skin he could come in contact with. “I said,” He spat, tongue lapping over the sensitive mark he’d left. “You’re a pain in my ass.” Liam’s hips pressed down to rut against Louis’ “The biggest pain in my ass,”

“Replay” Louis smirked, lifting his hips off of the bed slightly as Liam groaned. “Double time”

“THEBIGGESTPAININMYASS” Liam huffed, crashing his lips against Louis’ to shut him up. Louis liked that, liked that Liam could play back with him. Liam could take all of the teasing that Louis threw at him and throw it right back. The annoyed whine that slips from Louis’ lips once Liam pulls off is hushed as he watches Liam pull his shirt over his head. No one could even pretend to be annoyed while watching that happen. Not even Louis. Once Liam’s lips are back on Louis, he’s focused on other things. On running his nails against the skin of Liam’s back, on dragging his fingers against Liam’s chest and down his abdomen until they’re hooking in the waistband of his joggers. He can feel Liam’s length against his thigh and— _God_.

He’s kissing Liam eagerly, trying to find a way to maneuver his tank top up and over his head without breaking the feverish kiss he was taking part in but Liam pulls off again, taking Louis’ shirt with him. He wants to act annoyed again, but Liam’s tugging on Louis’ pants, pulling them and his boxer down with ease since Louis’ hips rose willingly off of the bed to help.

“Love your ass, babe.” Liam laughs, hands gripping at the flesh of Louis’ rear. Louis’ got a fantastic ass, he knows this, but Liam saying anything about it is enough to stiffen his cock even further if that’s possible. Liam’s just staring down at him with a stupid, dopey grin plastered against his face and Louis just can’t take it anymore. He can’t handle that he gets _this_. He gets Liam to tease with and muck about with when he’s bored. He gets Liam to kiss and hold at night when they’re relaxing after their days. He gets Liam to kiss raw and suck dry whenever he wants. He’s appreciative to say the least— _fuck_. He gets to touch this, he gets to dig his nails into Liam’s thighs as he blows him, or scrape them against his scalp as Liam goes down on him. He gets to feel Liam’s ridiculous gorgeous lips on whatever part of his body he desires. He gets Liam to stop whatever he’s doing to look at him like this and—God, he’s just so lucky.

“Are you going to stare at me all day or are you going to fuck me?” He wondered, folding his arms over his chest in a typical Louis manner. The frankness of it causes Liam to stumble over his next sentence, huffing slightly, as if Louis’ just pulled a chair out from under him or something. Louis just held his nonchalant tone, tilting his head to look at Liam pointedly. As if this was something they do all the time. As if this wouldn’t be the first time.

“I—what—yeah... Yeah. Is that—do you? Is that what you want?” Liam stuttered out, crawling back over Louis’ body with a leg pressed on either side of his waist. Louis just nodded, biting on his lip as his dick caught on the fabric of Liam’s joggers. “Are you sure?” He mumbled into Louis’ neck as his lips danced across the skin there

“Liam…” Louis whined, tugging on the waistband, “Off. Now.” A smirk twisted against his lip as Liam obliged, standing and dropping his sweats and boxers. Liam’s hands cupped at his dick while he crossed the room, digging in his bag before making his way back to the bed with a condom and bottle of lube, crawling up Louis’ body with soft kisses pressed against his stomach, then his chest, then his neck.

“You’re sure you’re ready?” Liam’s eyebrows furrowed with worry as his face hovered over Louis’.

“Been ready, Payno.” And they were kissing again, lips moving together methodically. Like they were in each other’s minds. Like they knew exactly how to move against one another. Louis was lost in their motions and Liam was grinding his hips down into Louis’, their erections catching on each other and causing a few low hisses to escape from the boys’ lips.

Louis was panting hungrily into Liam’s lips, trying to jerk his hips in some sort of rhythm with Liam’s but it wasn’t enough; this wasn’t enough anymore. He wanted more. He wanted to take this to the next step. He was ready. He wanted to feel Liam inside of him desperately. As if Liam was reading his mind, he heard the clicking of a lid being flicked open and Liam was pushing himself upright again, slicking up his fingers. “Tell me if it hurts, yeah?” Liam propped himself up with one arm, leaning to press his lips against Louis against as his slicked fingers slid between Louis’ cheeks, fingertips pressing teasingly against his hole.

“J-just do it, Li” Louis groaned, fighting the urge to rock his hips against the gentle touch of Liam’s fingers. “’m fine, yeah? ‘m fine—do it, want you to” Liam nodded, burrowing his face in the crook of Louis’ neck as he slowly pushed a digit in. Louis’ tight, this is obvious. But he already feels so full with just Liam’s finger half inside of him. He’s inhaling through his teeth but trying to keep his breathing steady so Liam won’t stop what he’s doing. It’s slow, and Liam’s careful but he gets his finger in to the knuckle and he can feel his lips twisting into a smirk against his neck.

Liam’s moving his finger slowly, sliding it out and then pushing it back in like he knows exactly what he’s doing and maybe he does. Maybe Liam is some sort of expert at this, maybe Liam’s done this with a million other guys but for once that doesn’t crush into Louis’ chest. He’s almost thankful that this isn’t both of their first times, he’s thankful that he has someone like Liam to walk him through this.

There’s a second finger now and Louis can’t fight the drawn out moan that slips form his lips as the digit glides into him, stretching him slightly. Then Liam pauses, pulling his face back to look into Louis’ like he’s checking to make sure he hasn’t done anything wrong but Louis replies by finally rocking his hips against Liam’s hand, pushing the two fingers into him. Even though Louis’ had his fingers before, multiple times, there’s still a sort of dull pain that continues to hide under the waves of pressure like it’s been too long since the last time Liam’s opened him up but Louis’ can’t pay attention to that while Liam’s fingers are brushing against that spot inside of him.

They’ve picked up speed and Louis can’t help but reach down and fist himself as Liam scissors his fingers out of him and then back in, stretching him while his lips leave marks all alone Louis’ collarbones. He’s a writhing mess under his strong, muscly boyfriend and by the gentle moans that Liam’s supplying him with Louis can tell that he doesn’t mind at all. “Fuck. Fuck _Fuck,_ Li” he hisses, pushing himself down hard on Liam’s fingers. Liam pulled up, smirk still plastered on his lips, and rested on his knees as he worked Louis’ open. His large hand clasped Louis’ waist, holding his still as he fucked his fingers into him quicker.

“W-want you,” He managed, “Want you—Li, need you,” And Liam’s fingers on gone, their dancing across the comforter in search for the condom he’d grabbed. Louis takes this time to look him over, stroking his cock as he stares at the curve of Liam’s dick, the stretch of his skin over tight muscles, the sweat glistening across his forehead. _Fuck_.

“You’re one hundred percent sure, yeah?” Louis just rolled his eyes, nodding. “Alright—yeah... Okay.” Liam let out a heavy breath, positioning himself between Louis’ legs. “Just let me know if it hurts, okay?” Louis took in a deep breath, holding it heavy in his chest as Liam lined himself up, brushing the head of his cock against Louis’ hole before gently pushing in.

Louis’ face twists into something pinched, but he doesn’t dare stop Liam. Liam who is going painstakingly slow, taking all of the extra precautions to make sure that Louis adjusts to his size before proceeding. “So tight babe,” Liam offers, a slight moan to his voice. Louis’ lifting his hips though, rocking them and pushing them against Liam until he’s bottoming out. Liam’s pausing again, only for a few minutes to let Louis adjust, and then he’s backing his hips up slowly before pushing back into him.

And then they’re getting more confident, and Liam starts moving like he’s less afraid of hurting Louis. “Feels so good, Lou... You feel so good” And Louis is clenching around him, moaning with abandonment and pleasure. He’s got the sheets clenched in fists and his head thrown back as Liam blankets his body, fucking into him recklessly. They’d given up on trying to find the right pace, trying to find a set rhythm to their hips.

“ _Fuck_ ,” He moans out, tugging at the sheets in his hands. “God, Li—“ His voice is almost a whisper, like it’s not strong enough to carry louder than that as Liam’s pounding into him.

Liam’s biting his tongue, holding himself up with one arm again, wrapping his fingers around Louis’ member, and pumping it with hard strokes that match the beat of his thrust. “So good, Lou” He’s repeating, like he’s trying to keep Louis reassured that he’s doing a brilliant job at lying on his back.

“Gonna...” Louis lets a long, drawn out moan from his lips, twisting his hips up a little to change the angle. “Li—gonna come—I’m gonna soon”

Liam’s fist tightens around Louis, pumping harder. Louis’ mind is focused on nothing but how fucking _amazing_ this feels. His legs seemingly snake themselves around Liam’s waist, pulling him in deeper with every thrust. The air between them is hot, humid breath that they’re panting out and sucking back in. Liam’s working his hands and his hips like his only goal in life is helping Louis get off.

Louis comes in a wave of pleasure, his voice cracking slightly as he pants out a moan and rocks himself down on Liam, clenching around him; a tick later and Liam’s coming, too, biting down on his plump bottom lip and biting back obscenities. Louis’ body feels limp as Liam pulls out of him and rolls onto his back. Just—God, that was better than Louis ever expected. Liam’s fingers find his, squeezing them together gently before he pulled himself off of the bed to dispose of the condom and toss Louis a towel to clean himself off with.

Louis can’t move though, he just lies there pitifully. His breath still coming in pants, the towel draped over his own come on his stomach.

“You look wrecked,” Liam laughs when he comes back into the room, grabbing the towel and cleaning Louis off. “’m not complaining though,” Liam leaned down, pressing a tender kiss to Louis’ lips, “It’s fucking hot, mate.”

“I love you, Liam” are the only words that Louis Tomlinson knows right now, the only sentence his mind will for.

“I love you, Louis.”

“I know,” Louis’ lips twist into a smile and he throws his arm over his face to hide it.

“Kip then deal with whatever we’ve got to do tonight?” Louis nods, still smiling because Liam always knows what he needs without him having to say anything at all. Liam gathers their boxers, pulling his on and tossing Louis’ to him before climbing back into the bed and curling up to Louis’ side. It takes a bit of maneuvering but Louis manages to pull the boxers on and tuck himself into Liam’s body.

“Can we do this again?”

“Whenever you want, Lou.”

He smiles again, nodding and closing his eyes.


	11. Epilogue.

It’s cold when they wake up, legs strewn together over their blankets that didn’t quite get pulled around them before they fell asleep. It’s been a year and a of this. A year and a half of spending most nights at Liam’s new house, of sleeping in Liam’s bed. It’s comfort and normality in their otherwise hectic lifestyle. There’s nothing wild when it’s just the two of them, curled up on the couch together in hoodies and sweats bickering over what movie they’re going to watch next. Arguing over which superhero franchise is _really_ superior before Liam opts out and calls Zayn to make him vouch for DC even though Louis will just flip it around and make him vouch for Marvel. It’s been a year and a half of “I love Marvel, bro. You know I do!” cries from Liam and “I’m sorry, Payno but you’ve got to chose just one,” retorts from Louis.

And it’s been a year and a half of them forming this sort of life together. Where there’s _kind of_ a routine to it, there’s _kind of_ a steady rhythm but at the same time there isn’t at all. Because who would have thought that Louis Tomlinson would drunkenly suck his best friends cock and realize that he was in love? He never thought that. Never in his wildest dreams could he have come up with this life. He was glad he had it though; glad this is where the road took him.

Liam shifted slightly, tossing his arm over Louis’ middle and pulling him in closer. “Hate December.” He breathed into the back of Louis’ neck, causing a shiver right down his spine.

“Me too, Payno. Let’s pull a Nialler and just fly to Australia, yeah?” He whispered into the dark room.

Liam was nodding, shuffling his legs around until he could kick the comforter up and onto them. “More sleep,” He grunted and it caused a laugh from Louis.

“Alright, caveman. More sleep.” His fingers traveled down his body until they could clutch onto the blanket, pulling it up around him and his boyfriend.

“G’night, bro.”

With a roll of his eyes, Louis nestled himself back into Liam’s chest. “Goodnight, Payno.”

“Love you” Liam yawns, smacking his lips and burrowing his face into the back of Louis’ neck.

“Love you back.” He whispers, linking his fingers with Liam’s.

Louis doesn’t fall back asleep for a while; he just listens to the hum of Liam’s gentle snores as it mixed with the steady beating of his heart. He’s completely in love with this man. Completely smitten. And completely accepting of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted the ending to be completely fluffy. Disgustingly fluffy. Angst drives me crazy to write so you can imagine why it took me so long to write this.
> 
> Thank you so much if you stuck through this with me. I know I'm literally rubbish at proof-reading and editing. I genuinely just didn't think that many people would read this but it means so much that you guys are! 
> 
> Also !! This fic wouldn't have been possible if it weren't for my girl Autumn keeping me motivated by constantly shoving lilo down my throat at any given moment.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! you can find me on tumblr // [here](http://guccisuit.tumblr.com)


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